I hear so many things from so many places! From this board, to books, to family members, to our C, to my kids (who I try to keep out of the middle). And I just second guess everything I do!
SC, I think your best bet is to pick an approach and stick with it. Not a rut--but if you think that DBing gives you the best chance of saving yourself and restoring your marriage, follow it faithfully, and don't let yourself lose focus because of other books, or people in RL (who usually will give you anti-DB advice, because they don't like seeing you in pain, and they think that splitting up is a quick fix to your problems). This board helps people every day, and also helps save your RL friends from getting so burned out listening to you! (I'm guilty of causing that!)
Originally Posted By: Silent Chrleader
I have always been a person that wears my heart on my sleeve, and always been completely open to my H. So, "giving space", is so foreign to me! I try. I really do!!
Me too. I am pretty good at it by now. Practice, practice, practice!! I have had suicidal depression for almost 30 years, and during most of that time have had a strong tendency to focus on the negatives, even publicly. Since the bomb, I have been working very, very hard to do the opposite, and focus on the positives...especially when with my H. It's a good thing our interactions are so brief (about 2 minutes a day)--there have been lots of times that was all the "happy" I had in me for the day! This is where you have to concentrate on "faking it till you make it." You will make it, but it will take a while. And having the ADs working well for you will help a lot. BTW, I don't have experience with panic attacks, but your experience of wanting to be dead is EXTREMELY familiar to me--a way of life, you might say. The ADs help a lot.
Peace and blessings, Dawn
Me 45/H 47, no kids Together since 1985; M/1992 Bomb1 (EA-OW1, age 22) 2001 Bomb2 (EA/PA-OW2, age 22) 10/2007, A continues H left 11/24/08 minimal contact, no legal action http://tinyurl.com/DawnHope1
