Worse before Better?

[Sophie]

It's the same with this...H has no grounds other than we have been seperated for over a year with no 'cohabitiation'.

The papers imply that it was an agreed seperation, which it wasn't at all.

He has been 'absent' from the kids life during most of this time.

[Sophie]

Because the D papers are so vague...should I question H about them...or is it vital that I do not contact him at all???

[Valeria]

I was posting on this board the day that I was served with D papers. I wasn't expecting the papers at all so, in a panic, I ran to the board to ask for advice.

Being the impatient type, I couldn't wait for an answer so I called H and questioned him about it.

When I went back to the board, the unanimous advice was NOT to contact H.

In my case, calling H worked only temporarily because H did drop the D action but it didn't stop the roller coaster ride.

It's hard to say but I guess my advice would be to see if H contacts you about it. Then you can calmly ask the questions that you need to ask.

[Dawn of Hope]

H has no grounds other than we have been seperated for over a year with no 'cohabitiation'.

The papers imply that it was an agreed seperation, which it wasn't at all.

Sophie,
I have no experience with D papers (counting my blessings), but because of my H threatening the possibility, I have done a little online research into the D laws in my state. I don't know about the laws where you are, but my understanding is that in my state (which is a no-fault, 50/50 property split state), a D will not be granted without both spouses' consent unless the non-consenting spouse can be charged with adultery, abuse, etc. OR the spouses have been living apart--minimum one year if living apart by mutual consent, two years if not by mutual consent. Something to keep in mind when you see your L, which I think you should do, like, YESTERDAY.

I've heard that it's a good thing to take a supportive friend/relative (who knows everything and you're not shy about discussing delicate details in front of) with you to your first L meeting, to be an "extra brain" for you. However, there are lots of people here who have more experience than I do with D who can advise you better on that.

I wish you strength and courage as you travel down this road. Hang in there!

Peace and blessings,
Dawn

[Sophie]

just got a text from H

(I had the propane people out about a week ago to check on my fireplace...I guess they called H with the estimate)

Instead of asking the propane people to call me, H tm'd me

H: Hi, the propane company called and the fireplace might cost $190'

I replied: and you want to take the kids from me and you want me to pay you to take care of them AND you don't want ME to be UGLY. YOU have forced me to get a lawyer.

H replied: that is the way it's written for a couple of reasons. but you knwo that probably won't happen. is there any prayer of mediation?


I haven't responded....WHAT DO I SAY?

[Maya44]

I'm so very sorry you're going thru this Sophie! I'd personally ignore answering that text from him.

[Dawn of Hope]

Sophie,
Okay, you backslid, venting at him...now pick yourself up, ignore his communications for the moment and GET AN APPOINTMENT WITH THE LAWYER ASAP!! Do not discuss this with your H until you have had a chance to talk to L. If you can possibly afford a DB Coach, do so; it will be some of the best value for your money you have ever gotten! Be kind to yourself, come here to vent, and let him flap in the breeze.

Peace and blessings,
Dawn

[Sophie]

Okay...I see...I didn't feel like I vented, I just stated what I knew and understood from the D papers and that I now HAD to get a lawyer. But, I won't say anymore.

I am thrown a little bit though by his response to my 'vent'

"H replied: that is the way it's written for a couple of reasons. but you knwo that probably won't happen. is there any prayer of mediation?"


Isn't it too late for mediation? Besides costing less, what is mediation? Do I have to agree to a D in order to meet with a mediator?

[Sophie]

I have to add that of all people in his life, siblings and parents included....I have given him the most in life. They abandoned him....I have never.

He has risked a major life line and peace with this family unit which he has been enjoying for the last 3+ months.

Sad

[Andabelle]

Consult with a lawyer before you do anything. You don't have to use him/her if you decide to go with a mediator later.

Maybe you should tell him there is absolutely no chance of mediation as long as the language in his D motion stays like that.