I know...I'm panicked!! He's always been a drinker. But, he always reserved his alcohol for the weekends. He'd drink a few beers at home on Friday and more than a few at home on Saturday, but that was it. If he was out at the bars, there was always an issue...he'd drink till he couldn't drink more...like he just couldn't stop. I always used the term "social alcoholic" without really knowing if that's what he was or not. But, I was always there to get us home, so, it never really impacted him...either his work or his home life.

Because I grew up in a household where there was no drinking, I never knew if my concerns were really valid. You know, you're always afraid of what you don't know about. So, before he left, he was drinking a little more...sometimes on Thursday night. But, nothing really alarming.

The first time I noticed he was drinking while he had the boys was right after he moved out, and he and I were still "getting together." He called and I went over, and by the time I got there, he'd had a lot to drink. I said something...that night and the next day when he was sober. Both times he blew it off. He said he never drank before they went to bed, and he wasn't drinking that much. I guess I believed him...I wanted to. And, I guess I thought that time it was okay since he knew I'd be there anyway.

So, this morning's the first time I really noticed how bad it might be. I'm worried the smell doesn't come from drinking a few beers...that he either consumed a case, or he's drinking hard liquor.

I've asked him several times to make sure that S6 knows his address and how to dial 911 from his phone...in case there's an accident or something.

I know talking to him about it isn't going to get me anywhere. He's going to get angry with me about it and tell me that I'm overreacting. I can ask him not to drink when he has the kids, but I can't enforce that if I don't know about it. I know he doesn't drive with them when he's been drinking (yet, anyway).

I don't know what to do. That's what led to the fight this morning and my offer to do the settlement. I think I was trying to shock him into some self-examination. Didn't happen...now he just thinks I'm a crazy B*%$H who's out to get him.

And, the suicide comment was very out of character. He was saying that he wasn't planning it, but for him to even go there was scary to me. I wasn't even thinking that...he brought it up! I was actually thinking that he was planning to increase his life insurance because OW was pregnant or something.

The business is somewhat recession proof...he supplies oxygen to old people. Oxygen is needed whether the economy's good or not, and most of his payment comes from insurance. I know there's a lot of stress though...he's moving into the new building and he'll have to take over payments of the building. He's gonna have to pay me lots of money on top of that to buy me out. So, I know that's what's going on. That's kind of sad to me. His family is falling apart (at his own hands) and the thing that's keeping him up at night is likely how he's gonna pay for the new office building.

Okay, so, do I just watch and wait? Do I make a point to smell him each time he comes over? If we have less contact, then I know less and less about his problems. I can't imagine I could stop him from getting the boys at this point. There's no proof he's endangered them. I'd end up looking like the crazy B$#*H he thinks I am.

Thanks, guys. I was sick over the whole interaction, and I thought maybe it was just cause I was having trouble letting him go...it's good to be reassured that as a mom I should have been sick over it...detached from him or not!

Amy


Me 39 H 36
S 7 S 4
T 15 M 12
H out 8/1/08
OW confirmed 8/6/08
D final on 6/12/09...I'm doing good!