Just journaling...saw h at church this morning..we seem to talk so easily about many things...and while I have been wondering alot more lately that things are not moving any where..I stopped today and thought..hey.. we are talking so much less tense than just a year ago...then 8 months ago...oh we never yelled and screamed before..we just were too tense to really enjoy talking about anything..and look a year later we can talk and laugh about dumb things..so I am going to grasp this as a BIG thing..do I wish he would come home right now? I guess yes and no..I want things to be right again..I want him to want me..but there has to be changes for all that to happen, and I am not sure he is quite to that yet..I really am not sure if he wants to make this work..although that is what he said a year ago...so until there is some clue(aside from the "talk")I will continue to work on me and enjoy the way the r is now.
We get so caught up on what should be happening that we forget to look at what really is... Our town has a big pumpkin fest this weekend..big parade Sun..this is the first time in many years I am not going...I don't know if h is..it's times like this that I wish he would call ME and ask me to go....that is one thing I do have trouble with..that he has not invited me for anything we have done this past year...which brings me back to"this is the way he has always been"..or he"really does not want to encourage me"...of course the negative me always leans to he does not want me..... but like so many of you have pointed out..he can always say no when I ask him..that would sure get the message across to me if he told me that too many times, and it would not have taken much effort on his part..
