I agree about playing musical chairs with kids — not a good thing. We actually waited for me to meet H's grown children until we were engaged, though we gave them some space between the meeting and the news.
Good for you! That shows a lot of respect for the kids.
Yes, manipulating or brooding doesn't help. One of my good friends left her husband and he has been bashing her since the divorce. I'll admit she is definitely not the best role model, and I would hope her kids don't repeat her life. But her XH has really made himself seem much worse. He's just evil. And the sad thing is if he hadn't done all this there may have been a chance of reconciliation. Although his hate for her just permeates his entire being. The whole thing really escalated into something ugly. It's really pretty nightmarish...
I think the point is that as a parent it's important to take extra time and try to teach children healthy and positive life lessons like.... how to choose a spouse (it's not just about a "feeling" there are many factors to consider). And what choices in life have a higher chance of giving one a happy and contented life, rather then a dramatic, difficult and unhappy one. Also, if there are children involved, make them a priority in decisions.
In addition don't just listen to opinion. Look at statistics and research. You don't just learn a great career by feeling or practice, you read, study, go to school, etc... Creating a wonderful life with healthy relationships should be approached similarly. Don't just sit in the boat and let it wander where ever... get some paddles, decide where you want to go. Make goals...
Okay, enough of my ranting. I'm jumping off the soap box...
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
