Surrendering to hope

[istherehope]

Thanks Sep,

This is pretty much where I'm coming from too...I mean I am happy to stay at my friend's house from time to time and I do have fun doing it for the most part, but at the moment I think the biggest need is for H to see what life together could be like these days. He was brooding for so long about how miserable things were, and focusing only on the past...Hopefully now he will see that things have changed for the better, but the only way to see that is to be around each other. I feel like we have made a lot of progress over the last 5 days. We've done some normal things together like walking to the train station, going to the grocery store, working out, and watching TV. Before this time, I couldn't have even fathomed this level of togetherness; he quite literally did not want to be around me. I do realize that I may still need to go away for awhile, but as long as it seems that H truly wants me around, then I am happy to continue this as I really am enjoying it. I agree that I need to continue GAL by making plans on my own. I have not and will not ask H to do anything with me at this stage. It all needs to come from him, and if it doesn't, then I will have my own things to do.

You're right of course about the over analysis...I don't know how to stop this! It is all I can do not to post every time H IMs me and ask why it is so short, or some other thing. I am getting a little more comfortable though, and am starting to believe that not everything is leading up to an R talk or spew. I am incredibly grateful to be where I am at now, and I know it's light years from where I was at this summer. When I think back on that time, I just realize how much H really did not want our M to continue. It's hard for me to even think about some of those conversations without feeling sick. I know we're not out of the woods as H hasn't told me that he feels differently, but for now I am content with this nearly 2 weeks without R talks, without arguments, without tears...I haven't cried in quite awhile now, and even though I'm still torn up inside, I think I'm more stable than I was...

ITH