Another new topic! already? Here we go

[LoginName]

Hi Aud,
I'm still here, and so are you! I check your thread occassionally and haven't seen anything new there for a while. Maybe you're posting on other's threads?

It's harder for me to post, read, monitor these boards than it was before. I've picked a few folks, you being one of them, to try to keep track of. You're not making it easy though :). Maybe you should post on your thread or just fill me in.

I'm still on my own roller coaster. I came close to calling it quites just a couple of weeks ago. I'm not ready to settle for going back to the way it was before the bomb. I'm enjoying living alone too much, and my life too much, to put up with that again. And, just like the last 2 times or so, when my W saw I was ready to move on, she suddenly changed her tune. Now she is affectionate, says she is opening up to me, and wants to stay married and have me move to Arkansas with her. Humph. I'm happy for all that, but now the trust issue is coming up. Not trust about OM, I don't care about him, or others. Trust that she isn't still playing a game; the game we apparently were playing in the last years of our M and that I refuse to play anymore. Last year, about this time, she also decided she wanted me, was affectionate, and then it wore off and she was back to being nice but cold. Will this time be different?

I'm not really sad about this. I'm ready to move on, although I'd still like my M to work out. I'm not ready to settle for a cold, passionless marriage though. I'd rather be alone.

My kids are doing well and that helps me in my resolve. I don't have to settle for the kids.

I despair a little that this is just too big for my wife and me. Maybe the answers are there but we can't and don't see them. Maybe I'm just not imaginitive enough to see the answers. I've only this marriage and my parents as examples of how relationships work, and neither one is a good example. My W and I are good people, and we love each other, and we're facing a problem that we may not be able to overcome.

And, to top it off, I can see lot's of opportunities in my life without her. I actually felt a little sad when she started acting affectionate toward me. Do I have to give up my dreams again? Do I have to leave a place I love living in and move to Arkansas? Arkansas is nice, and a beautiful spot, but I've discovered I'm a city kid and I love living in Denver, downtown. And, I was looking forward to meeting new people.

Anyway, probably more than you were wanting or expecting and all about me. How about a little or a lot about you? How are you doing?

Thanks for dropping by, Aud. Hope to get caught up with you soon, and I really hope you're doing well.