It seems to be working! Sometimes....

[sandycay]

(((Addie))),

I went back thru your last thread and will reply there soon. I may need to look further back to give you an opinion.

Yesterday was a "bad" day. We had a communication issue over getting some things accomplished and it wasn't "fight" per say but just difficult in communication. By the afternoon, when we were trying to communicate again he says things like:

1) I have no life
2) I have no friends
3) I have no control
4) I'll just shut up and color (I think this means to do what I am suppose to do whether I like it or not
5) I feel like you would be better off if I was not here.... you would have enough money where you could work part-time till the kids were out of school
6) When questioned about this because the only time he has ever mentioned "desperate" thoughts was the weekend he figured out the OW was probably cheating on him. He states he would never do that.
7) He feels empty
8) He has nothing... that a man that makes the money he makes, has no money of his own, can't make his own life, can't control his schedule, has no control over anything.
9) States it's not my fault he feels this way.

I will say that he has always been level headed and for the first time I saw a man with some "issues". I know I am not at the cause of this at this time. He is not happy and it's within himself.

I first asked him after all of these revalations (remember, I have been asking him for about 3-4 weeks what is wrong) if this had anything to do with OW, i.e. was there contact, was he missing her because it's been 6 months, was he thinking about her because it's coming up on the time of year he started it with her? He says "no". Now, the 2 schools of thought from my side are 1) no evidence that this has happend 2) like would he really tell me anyway. I will say that from the time I found out he has been fairly honest about things that had to do with "her".

So, I after feeling that familiar banging in my chest and stomach. I was waiting for the other bomb to drop. I told him that he deserved to be happy and that I felt I wasn't capable of fulfilling this for him and that it made me very sad.

I kept to myself pretty much last night. He did approach me and hugged me really hard and apologized for "freaking out earlier". I hugged back and kept very quiet the rest of the evening.

I feel I must detach myself again as to not get blindsided again. I don't know what to do. Do I address all the things he said, or do I let it go. I suggested IC but he wasn't receptive to that. He seems to be either depressed or not all the way done with the MLC thing.

He reached out for me last night like holding my hand and kissing me goodnight before he went to bed and when I went to bed he came over to my side and snuggled with me. He had to get up early to go to work and I didnt sleep well so I had turned on the TV and he came over and hugged me for a long time and said "You should go back to sleep, I love you". I couldnt' bring myself to say it back for the first time ever, but I did hug him back and said to have a safe drive into work. Been up since 3:30.

How long does one act as if? I can't live with someone who seems to be ready to bail. He states he would never do that again but still I think he could.

Sorry for the long post and rambling but if you read this far you can see that I am confused as to what I should do at this point and hurt by his lack of happiness.