Oh it has been a day! I have cleaned my apartment spic and span, and spent a lovely afternoon reading a new David Baldacci. This is the life...
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Mmmm...it was...as I sit here buzzing from one glass of wine (ugh...what the hello happened to my tolerance????) I realize that all in all, it was one of the best weekends I have truly had in a long time.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
I have been around, just not much new to report. Saw H on Monday, but very briefly (like 30 secs) when he dropped off cigs and money for the BK payment. He did give me the most beautiful smile. But haven't heard from him since.
In the meantime I am just busy at work, and w/ D12. I had to pull overnights from XH during the week because he is not taking care of her, and we were getting complaints from the school. Its hard enough w/ her ADHD, but then he is not structuring her time like the C suggested, so cie la vie.
At any rate, life in general is keeping me so busy that it is insane, but I am not complaining...less time to think
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
I am sitting here, thinking about everything I have accomplished in the last year. I have made great strides in my career, with my daughters, and gained ALOT of new friends
And yet my heart is still broken. Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed that I can't breath, and I wonder if I am ever going to get my heart back.
Still, part of me does not want it back. I vowed to love this man until death do us part. I cannot be the one to end it, and have come to terms with that. But part of me wishes he would just end it, and finalize.
Of course, I don't know that it would do much good. A piece of paper is not going to change anything. And somewhere, deep down in side, I really believe he still loves me.
I just really hope I am not in denial.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
I wonder...when the hell will I stop having these meltdowns?
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
(((((Lola))))) I don't know! I'd guess they they'll get less frequent, and less severe as time goes on. And then there will probably be one when you least expect it!
I have no idea Lola. I'm still having them every now and then and probably will for a long time. It just proves that you love deeply and with your whole soul. Nothing to be ashamed of or want to get rid of, it's just the way you're wired.
I'm sorry you are having such a rough time right now. All I can offer are hugs sweetie.
