Docs scanned first thing, e-mail sent and solicitor selcted late afternoon so hopefully some news tomorrow.
Parents evening this afternoon and oh what fun the STBX was. I find her very weird (why do i sound surprised ?? lol). Meet her in his class then other mum goes so were alone
B = Batchitt
B 'u spoke to sols yet ? A - Yeah, sent him docs to go through
on way to hall to met teacher
B - So you've accepted now you not getting any money ? A - I don't want to talk to you, were here for S6, the rest is for the sols
So we saw teacher and S6 doing as expected but I think he's come on leaps. he's the youngest in his year and in bottom 6 in his class at the english and maths, but i asked if he was the year younger (boys about 3-6 months behind apparently at this age) where would he be and the teacher said top part of middle.
So I drive STBX home to have the car and collect thee boys from my sis
B - so when u having them overnight (again) A - I replied couple back and forth then say, hang on hang on, I said no more talking bout this, I am not getting sucked in again like monday like I let myself and lost it. leave it, i will go silent B - So didn't you feel low when mediator said they will do better having over nights with both parent A - No, I know this is not my doing, it's like me asking do you not feel bad about ruining their lives by cheating on them and not trying...don't remember answer but said leave it again, i'm getting sucked in again. silent next time.
so we pull up at house and as she is getting out
B - So when u getting car A - I thought i had one this morning, then laughed and said, that's always the next line of attack after the over night issue.
so as sh's getting out i just say, see u later and got a bye.
oh, she also asked me at some point that S6 said i'd shouted at him a lot last time I had them and I said I don't recall that but they were fighting and winding each other a lot, so I might of said something. When i got to my sisters, after first telling S6 how great he was doing at school, i ask him and he said i was so I apologised. Then, it turns out after dropping them there and staying for a bit, STBX was heard by BIL shouting at S6.^, shut up, you do my head in. or words to that effect, so very hypercritical and I said nothing as harsh as that.
feeling much better already. Couple of beers on the way home wwith mates and now home ready for bed.
Does she love to pull your chain or what. You need to either drive separately from her or just not talk at all. Wow, its amazing how someone loves you so much that they marry you and then hate you enought to go fu**ing off the deep end nasty like your Batchitt Crazy wife does.
Take care A, hopefully it will be over soon for you and you can get a place of your own.
hi there Arthur - nothing much to say i'm afraid apart to let you know that i'm checking in on your sitch daily - only thing to observe is that I understand how frustrated you must feel with the sitch with your W at the moment - and it must be 2x frustrating to get baited at your S6's parents' evening- given that the focus was about him and how he's getting on...
The way you report it though - although an interpretation of this is that your W is on a different plane/plain (not sure how that metaphor works!) likely suggests a very high level of stress on her part - sure it is actually and that comes out much more negatively and confrontational than the sitch demands - this thing is between you two, and as you tried to point out - should not involve the boys.
Arthur - its hard, but "keep buggering on!!!" And keep doing all you can to keep the boys out of this - keep your focus on doing the best you can for the boys IN-SPITE of everything that is happening - you're a big boy and will deal with stuff - they're babies and need the care and love of both of you - which you know - but just thought worth reiterating - cos when it comes down to it - they are completely innocent parties in this - as is my s6. I think MfromT would agree that that the way to go is to keep doing your best to take the "high road" - that way - way down the road you'll find yourself in a much better and personally stronger position...
i'm not telling you anything you don't know and not counselling you to do anything that you're not doing - just trying to add weight to the path that you're taking...
IMHO...for the time being - just keep them at the fore-front of your mind when in negotiations (of any sort) with your W - your interests can come later...
KBO and take care...GFI
Me: 40ish W: 40ish Together: 20 ish years Married: 10ish Years
"its amazing how someone loves you so much that they marry you and then hate you enought to go fu**ing off the deep end nasty like your Batchitt Crazy wife does"
That has happened to me - the level of venom and hate feels unbelievable - its as if your W cannot even bear to breathe the same air - that feels unbelievable! you must feel like i did - like you're poles apart - as if you cannot understand how you got together in the first place - but Arthur - people rarely feel like that about other people in the normal course of events - sure we have the view that this person or that person is not someone that we want to spend any time with - but the feeling is not one of hate - we opt in and opt out of relationships with people - rarely do we hate them...I would venture that you still have strong feelings of attraction for your W and vice versa - its the situation that is causing those feelings at the moment - its the way she is dealing with things at the moment that is bringing up these feelings which is different to your feelings about her as a person - and same for her - although you're clearly out of synch - as I am with my W - but I still love my W - i HATE the decisions she is making...I have rationalised them and I do not HATE my W.
Arthur - perhaps...consider that???
As ever - KBO - GFI
Me: 40ish W: 40ish Together: 20 ish years Married: 10ish Years
A--Seems like you handled it all OK. You refused to get sucked in by your W. Good on you for that.
We play "shark" sometimes. Bed is a raft, Dad is the shark and you have to have one appendage hanging off the raft but not let the shark get it. When Dad is the shark you have to be on all fours to give them an advantage and it also lets you be a bit sneaky if you can get low enough. You can reverse if you want and even your little one will probably enjoy being the shark. This game always gets my kids wound up like tasmanian devils. Not good for bedtime but great for a lazy weekend morning. Mine also like to be "whiskered" if I have a growth of beard. Fun for all. D likes a game called "Smoochy Trouble," I shower her with about twenty rapid fire kisses all over her face. She howls when I do that over the phone. Much more fun to talk about this stuff than the drudgery of D and crazy W's!
M42 S12/D9 T17/M12 Bomb 1 3/22/06 Bomb 2 7/11/08 Bomb 3 7/31/08 W Filed 8/1/08 D granted 12/17/08 D Finalized 1/29/09
A man who compromises his principles never had them in the first place.
Thinking about it now and thanks for those suggestions LE, any other fun games people play with their kids ? Anything, especially those suited to these winter times so indoors.
GFI - Thanks for the input. I did come to a realisation last night. That I know deep down I would try again for my boys, so you have got me on that one. I will add though, that it would never happen and I would not pursue it. But and it's a the biggesdt but ever (Bigger than a J Lo Butt !!!), if my W turned up begging and pleading, I would consider it. It would be on my terms though and would be like starting over, a new realtionship, dating first whilst living apart, MCing, ICing and I would also just keep living life as I have been so a very loose thing and I might still meet someone else. I will no longer put my life on hold for her. I said this to my sister as I cannot look at my boys without feeling something.
oh, something that was funny. Various teachers around the chool ask you who your there for etc, so when I tell them S6, they're like, oh yeah, as if it wasn't obvious, only a slight fathers son !!! He is mini me now and S2 is a spit of me at that age.
I've never written to you before, but I know what made a HUGE difference for me was getting a DECENT place to live. When STBX and I separated in 06, I moved into some old guys garage, and gave her everything, hoping I could appease her (wrong answer). I thne went to Iraq for a year as a Reservist, and really got my head screwed on straight.
I put away enough for a NICE place when I returned, which gives me some DIGNITY back. I must have been crazy to let my kids see me in a fuc&ing garage!
Arthur..I'll say again. Do not play into her drama. When she brings this crap up just smile and say, "I'm sure things will turn out the way they are supposed to be". The more you engage the more ammo you will give her.
There's this guy from Memphis..he finally beat it in my head. I've found that if you come at this from a "taking care of business" aspect then they are so much easier to deal with.
and do something that will enable you to find a place for yourself...away from your parents..away from her. if you can at all..
Last edited by M from Tennessee; 11/13/0811:12 AM.
Mike - I know, I know, but I don't really bite really. Monday yes, it got to me, but the other responses aren't that bad are they ?
I do like that line tho, will use that or words to that affect in the future. Think I was kind of looking for something like that to defuse the sitch and that seems a pretty good line.
Mike - I know, I know, but I don't really bite really. Monday yes, it got to me, but the other responses aren't that bad are they ?
good or bad does not matter I think...these woman like your STBX, and Kim get their chitts and giggles by you and I engaging themm, they get off on it. smile at her assssss and then say the line I gave you(which was given to me many moons ago by an Elvis Impersonator)and watch her frinkin reaction...when she reacts just smile brother...let your L do the heavy lifting now..that's what his job is.
it's all about the PMA brother..High PMA gets there goat..
I love your PMA Mike, it wears off. I do have super PMA myself, just complimented on it by an old manager that just stopped by. We were a really close nit team and very open about stuff and he knows it and said I'm so much an optimist...lol...to right. Get busy living or get busy dying.
