Peace, I'm sorry you are going through this. It felt to me like a different planet. Everything was so strange. I didn't know what to expect.
Here is what I see from what you write: I see you fighting him over the divorce. He is not certain of what he wants, but the harder you push back, the more he is convinced that you are a controlling wench and he wants no part of you. when you don't resist, he does not feel threatened. He opens up to you. Can you get to a point where you can retain your feeling that you hate this divorce, but yet accept that it may happen anyway? Fighting him is not working. Freaking out about the divorce is also not working.
Nothing is over until you decide it is. You have this idea that the divorce itself is final, a final stage. It can be. Or not. It's up to you. You can DB through a divorce. FIGHTING HIM in a divorce will make that extremely difficult. If you have an acrimonious divorce, it is extremely difficult to DB afterwards. Your heart and head is just not in it any longer.
If on the other hand you look at the divorce just like a separation: regrettable, but not permanent, then you can db through it. Until you decide not to.
You wrote "He is done" and he is, clearly. But... for how long? he is dealing with 10,000 things right now. And the divorce may actually clear a bunch of things from his head. And open him up. And maybe afterwards...?
If he is hellbent on the divorce, you cannot stop it. and you will hurt yourself if you try to step in front of that train. Delaying to the extent you can, is one thing, but delaying to the point where you are obviously antagonizing him is counter productive.
You can decide how to view a divorce. You can decide whether it would be the end of the road or just another turning point. Either way is fine. But the point is, it is up to you.
