this is where I struggle MWG, I don't want him to think that I dont want him here. Or that I don't enjoy having him here. Or that I don't care about him.

But then I believe what you are saying maybe just afraid to do something different. Like a quote I got at work.

"in order to have something you've never had. You must do something you've never done."

M41
H42
D17
Adopted N14
M22 T24
"Bomb" 4/07
Sep 8/07
Admitted OW 11/07(only to me)
OW back 12/4/07
PA on off thru 7/08
says done w/OW but not coming home 8/08
D final 7/09
Moving on and up!!