So, another friendly phone call. I can't do it...I can't be detached...I just can't!!!
I called to check in with the boys. H and I talked for several minutes about S6's school...behavior issue and grades on his rhyming words paper last week. Then I talked to both boys. When H got back on the phone, he said, "I have to be at work at 8:30 in the morning. But, I'll be a little early getting to your house. If you want we can look at the toy book and see what S6 picked out for his birthday so we can decide what to get." I said, "Okay." H said, "I won't use my key. I'll knock. By the way, this is the 2nd Wednesday night that I've left your outside light on at the house." I said, "I know. Thanks for that." He said, "You are welcome. Goodnight."
The light comment was meant to catch me...it did. So, he knows I'm home. I'm so not good at these games! But, he also wanted me to praise him for remembering to the leave the light on for me. I think his primary LL is words of affirmation. That's probably the one I was the least good at cause it matters to me the least of all!!! I've been trying to do better...but, I honestly didn't think about the light. It was nice...not to come home to a dark house.
Oh, well! No excitement. I guess I should try not calling again...that was fun!!!
Hope everyone's having a good night! Amy
Me 39 H 36 S 7 S 4 T 15 M 12 H out 8/1/08 OW confirmed 8/6/08 D final on 6/12/09...I'm doing good!
I found all of you on FB... SMW clue was the easiest... I will ask to add you as a friend tonight...
After Sunday my H hasn't called for three days.. longest yet and I'm not calling ... can't believe he doesn't want to talk to his girls... or one of them.. I'm detaching but if this goes on too long and he doens't call to talk about when he is getting the girls this weekend that will hurt.. Expect Nothing right... I miss him a lot today.. weird...
more later...
Me: 38/H:40 M:7yrs TG: 10yrs 2Girls: 4yr & 7 month old Bomb 8/22/08 OW/EA/PA 8/23/08 with 25yr old Moved out 9/22/08
Hi Sweetie Pie! Did you think I had dropped off the face of the Earth? No, just feel like I did....lol. Have had a rough time of it.....physically and emotionally. Anyway, after Sunday, maybe things will be better. Won't go into it...too long of a story.
We did get some good news about my H's heart test. They think they can treat the restriction with medication and they are changing his blood pressure meds to see if that helps things. Anyway, I feel a lot better about that issue b/c I was very concerned about his heart condition.
Not much to say tonight, but have been trying to keep up with your stitch. You know what my thoughts were as I was reading the latest? If your H does marry that woman, I expect him to try to start an affair with you! Simply b/c he is not over you Amy, and he never will be....no matter how hard he may try to convince himself....he just isn't. So, if you don't have enough to think about......put that in your hat!
Take care, Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Sandi!!!! I have missed you this week. I'm sorry it's been such a tough one for you, but I'm really glad maybe your H can get some relief. I'll be praying for him. We haven't talked about your D lately. How's she?
Thanks for checking in on me. I'm doing better. I feel good even if I can't stop being his friend. God will work this all out. H can't marry OW until he and I are D, so, we'll just see. I know he loves me...even if he doesn't know it. That's why it's hard to let go, you know? But, I can't make him see anything...so, I just have to move forward with my life. I'm trying!! God's helping me a lot!!!
Love you so much!!!
TxMom,
Glad you found us! I'm not too good with the clues! So sorry you are sad tonight. It does get easier. I know that's hard to imagine right now...I've been where you are more days than I'd like to admit. But, there are days when life feels good. In fact, one day last week, I almost felt like my old self again.
I know it's not much comfort, but most people I talk to say that the younger the kids are when the D occurs, the easier it is for them. So, I try to take comfort in that...at least my littlest man may not have severe issues resulting from this nightmare. Your girls may do fine as well. The one thing I do know is that they will do better if you can remain strong! Take care of you anyway you have to. Don't call if you can keep from it...that will help! I'm proud of you!
Amy
Me 39 H 36 S 7 S 4 T 15 M 12 H out 8/1/08 OW confirmed 8/6/08 D final on 6/12/09...I'm doing good!
So, truly horrible morning. But, I'm okay. I guess sometimes things just don't go your way. You pick yourself up and you move ahead, right?
H showed this morning to pick out S6's birthday gift from the stuff S6 circled in the catalog. H smelled like alcohol...you know, the after an all night drinking smell? So, I commented, and it went downhill from there. He had the boys last night...and, he claims he had 1 drink to help him sleep. You don't get that smell from 1 drink!!! I've had experience with that!
In fact, before it was over, I even offered to draft the settlement agreement for him. I don't know that I will, but wow...it's the first time I've gone down that path.
H just goes from friendly to cold as ice so frequently that I can't keep up. And, the friendly makes the cold as ice unexpected and so hurtful. I do have to just stop interacting. Football season's nearly over, and if we can get through the holidays, I won't have to see him anymore for a while. He did finally tell me that he kept clothes at his house for the boys so hopefully that means he'll stop coming by here during the week.
He talked about getting a new place to live cause his rent's just too high. I know where that's likely going. But, what can I do? I don't want my children exposed to her, but I can't stop it.
Maybe I should just do the settlement for him and get this thing moving along. But, I'm pretty sure God doesn't want that either.
So, here I am...terrible sinus headache...tons of work to do...no motivation to do it...with an H possibly on his way to alcoholism and living with skanky OW. He did talk about increasing his life insurance today to make sure the boys are cared for in case something happens to him. He's really gotten strange. I asked, "Are you okay?" He said, "Yea. Life insurance doesn't pay in cases of suicide." What's that about???
I told him that his life ins. plus the business assets he discussed on Tuesday would be more than adequate to take care of the boys. He responded with, "But, what if the business tanks? I just think I need more life insurance." I just said, "Okay."
The most frustrating part is that he's not the man I married. And, I can't seem to remember that all the time. So, I do expect that sometimes he'll be normal when I see him. I'm so thrown for a loop when he's not.
Apparently, I'm not detached at all...thought I was doing great. And, I guess I am as long as he plays nice. When he's an A$*, I get upset all over again. I want some explanation for all this mess. And, he can't/won't give me one.
I came home to get some headache medicine and eat some soup. Got to head back to the office.
Hope everyone else is doing okay!!!
Love you all! Amy
Me 39 H 36 S 7 S 4 T 15 M 12 H out 8/1/08 OW confirmed 8/6/08 D final on 6/12/09...I'm doing good!
Quick tip for sinus headache. Take a hand towel and get a part of it a little wet, throw it in the microwave for ten or fifteen seconds and then place it over your nose and breathe in the steam. Instant relief! A nurse at an allergist's office taught me that trick. Just be careful you don't burn the tip of your cute little nosy! You sort of have to tent it over your face. Always works wonders for me.
Is your H is realizing the he!! he is making of his life? Probably could explain the drinking. Also is the economy faltering a consideration for the business? That might be playing in his mind as well if it is.
M42 S12/D9 T17/M12 Bomb 1 3/22/06 Bomb 2 7/11/08 Bomb 3 7/31/08 W Filed 8/1/08 D granted 12/17/08 D Finalized 1/29/09
A man who compromises his principles never had them in the first place.
Amy, I'm worried about your H. He's drinking with the kids under his care. You are absolutely right that you don't get alcohol smell the next morning from one drink. And in the same convo he actually brings up suicide.
He is depressed....seriously...
Watch him...you can't do anything for him; but you might start thinking about a boundary here. Drinking with the boys under his care, in my mind, is an absolute NO-NO.
He's going to have to hit a bottom before he decides that he needs to change. I've been through the alcoholism, you remember my story. It's very hard. I actually think you are better off separated if he's turning to alcohol. At least you will not have to live with it everyday. It's going to change his personality from what you now.
