Wow..Jethro..you are right up there with KAW and the wise wisdom you have given me. I lol at one of us needing to kick the other one!!
I knwo what you mean about the sitch being kinda different..it is not a clear cut and dry sep..anger..nasty words..that I so often read here..it is tough for me to respond back to others, as I don't understand how 2 people that took vows and pledged to love one another can become so angry and mean..maybe that is yet to come with my h and I ..who knows.
I think I will wait and see as Oct. comes along and see if he tells me anything about his lease..when I am alone with him, and feel like his mood is ok, I will ask him..nothing heavy. He did call me this a.m at work to ask if anymore sightings of bats...our kids are sleeping upstairs, but I just can't get up there yet...so at least he made the effort to call..again that has not been him this past year..to call me first. I know that I need to leave him alone alittle more..I just get so lonely at times. I am going out this week to local play with coworkers..and have book club and church stuff coming up..
Hey, Sue - promised I would pass along any info I saw concerning an Illinois DB get together. Blair has started a thread in the Just for Fun forum for something either in late September or early October.
I guess that we're both stuck - just treading water and waiting for the storm surge to subside so that we can touch ground again. At least he is initiating the calling for now - hope that he continues to do that...
Just journaling...saw h at church from distance..just kinda smiled at him..he back..then he came over..asked if something was wrong(because I was smiling???)I said "no"..asked him again if he would come by and put new blind up..he said he would... He came over and put it up...He just left..had very little to say..this frustrates me..is he confused..STILL..guilty...I don't want to fall into the"he does not love or want you anymore"mood...but it sure seems like that when he is so distant...tomorrow is our 25th anniv..maybe he was afraid I would bring it up..I have the card, but am not giving it to him. I hope he does not take it as me not caring anymore..
Got through this day..a few tears as I thought about this evening so long ago..saw h this morning as I went with dd to get a new car and she took it by to show her dad..he was not cold or moody as he was Sunday..he did ask why I was not at work, told him I took the whole week off..do ya suppose he forgot that today is our anniv...how could he as he signed loan papers with dd....!!!
I think it is a good think that he hears that you are involved in your church meetings. And I think that the more OK you seem to be with your life, the more likly it is he will look at the attraction of being with you, instead of fearing starting a relationship again before being sure that that is what he wants.
If other people question the fact that you are still giving him time, don't forget that he has most definitely not moved on with his life either. And right now guilt isn't keeping him around, it's keeping him away.
I know the rollercoaster you are on. And I know about having a crummy annaversary. But remember that everyone on this message board belives that what you are doing right now is the right thing to do. Just be strong & be his friend.
May I wish you a happy anniversary? I wish you Happy memories of the past 25 years, happy thoughts of a hopeful future, filled with good NEW memories and happy wishes for peace in your heart and soul by this day, next year.
My anniversary is coming up next month and a part of me dreads it as much as a part of me looks forward to it. Last year I was in so much pain and felt so hopeless, but this year we've come so far lately that I have a small sense of hope about our future. NOW, if I can just get past the past.
Rick and T2 thanks for the greetings...I never thought about that h is not moving on..at least not in the sense of dating..d talk..he has relaxed so much..I see such joy in his eyes..especially when he is at church. I do feel that he has been confused... T2...as somewhat hard as the day was to come and go...this has been a good 10 months in some ways..like you a year ago we were on eggshells...tense...now we are both finding ourselves and I pray that we will be able to piece a new m back..
For the old timers here..I ran into ff stbx tonight..he did not know h and I were s..he made a comment about h always being at his house...said "she" was drinking as much as ever and that even people a her work(which is my h work too) ahve commented about her..she calls in "sick" alot of Mondays..screws up work........hmmmmmmmshe is digging herself into trouble. I thought about asking h about any of this..good idea or should I keep mouth shut? I did ask h if they are still on the same bowling team..I thought for sure that she would have replaced h with her lover boy..for the past 2 years I have been so bent about this bowling with her..now I don't care..am glad if this is what he enjoys..great..sorry that it has to be with her...she has to be the center of everything..can't he see that..seems lots of others have..
Quote: I thought about asking h about any of this..good idea or should I keep mouth shut?
in the end it really wont get you anywhere you need or want to be...
I've known plenty of people (my mother included) who have talked with the op's spouse...it's simply another source of useless info in most cases.
always nice to see you stop in sue, I do hope your h figures things out soon so that you might have some real peace in your life..but then I suppose our peace like our happiness should not depend on what our wayward spouses choose to do with their lives.
LL..nice to hear from you..hope your day is going ok......you are my inspiration here..have been for along time..I know you are frustrated with things..wish I could wave the wand and make it all go away..but then that would be too easy...we need this to keep us on our toes..well ok not most of it, but looking back things can get taken for granted to easily.
Our church is having a memoral service tonight for 9/11..if we stop and think about things, our problems are trivial compared to all those families who are still strugling with that day 2 years ago.
You are right. As I see all the remembrances and read accounts of what took place two years ago, it puts this all in context. We are still here to enjoy life and make the world a better place. It is a count your blessings instead of what you don't have type of thought.
