I was just in the place you were--wanting to push/confront and waiting for him to see all the pain he caused me and I think this colored my actions, not consciously, but nevertheless did and has lead to the crisis I'm now in.
There is a story in DR about Carol and her H. From how it reads it was after 9 months it began to turn around, but her strategy was to "work on herself" and "make herself happy"--how many times do we hear that, but are we truly living it? I think I do in tiny spurts, but not constantly.
He's in pain/confusion/angst. We need to show our love through patience. What are the hard realities if we give up? I think trying has a lot of great advice, I need to be following it too. But I would stay away from the confrontation for now, unless you are truly ready for the possible consequences.
