Hi friends, I've been "caving" for a while. I dont have much to report from H anyway. I still live on Separated mode, he is happy (ier) I am not. I have been clear with him on a couple of occasions regarding what I want and he seems understanding and everything, but time is always the problem.
I can see he is really trying and he feels he must approach me carefully but on the other hand as I told him the way we are going it will take us 3 years to finally get to talk over a few things. I told him that I need him "to stick his neck out there" and risk to get rejected, to hear "nos", to feel uncomfortable if he wants to be with ME. I asked him to flirt with me like he would flirt with a woman he is crazy about but still doesnt have.
I am frustrated and lonely. I am a bit disappointed already but I cant overlook his intentions. Only "the way to hell is full with good intentions" or something like that, btw, do you have this expression?
I know what he wants. He wants me to lead, to suggest, to make arrangements and I dont feel like it, and he is stuck and we both get stuck. He wants the Sunshine back, the one he has been watching the last few months, he is eager to follow, he is holding back his excitement but I cant get motivated to do it.
I've been thinking hard how to handle this situation. I cant find a solution. I dont know how to let go and just do this. But I cant keep complaining about it. It's my choices that brought me here.
So take care everybody, thanks for checking on me, K
