You haven't posted in a long time! Just wanted to say "hi" (I hope you're reading sometimes). How's it going? Thinking of you, xxxx.
I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders ____________________________________________________ M 46 H 45 D 17 M/T 23 Bomb #1 (ILYBNILWY) 12.06 Bomb #2 (OW) 12.07 Bomb #3 (chose OW over M) 9.08
I had no idea it had been that long since I posted. I've been reading along (aka lurking) but haven't felt much like posting... I knew it had been a while but November? Wow, much longer than I thought!
Anyway, we have a buyer for the house... we'll know for sure if it's sold Monday at 8pm... so please keep your fingers crossed! Then the goal is to find a place for D3 and I.. closer to my work. It will make my life so much easier and my work will be happy too since I'll be more accepting of additional hours. The condo we bought is still scheduled for occupancy in Dec 2009.. although their website says spring 2010.. but until I hear official word from them (through registered mail) I'll go on with the belief that Dec 2009 it is!
The family that have almost bought the house are very nice. It's their first home... and due to the market I think they got a really good price for it. We made some decent money on it but if I had agreed to sell back when the bomb happened we likely would have gotten more. I wasn't ready though at the time.. so I'm looking at it as it all happened as it was intended.
Everything is the same with H. Although it does seem like he's making more of an effort to spend time with D3 and I. It's nice.. and of course I still love him.. but I know that I can get by without him.. (although not financially at the moment.. hopefully I'll get a raise when I'm able to give them more of a full time schedule). It makes me feel better about myself. And when I'm completely self reliant I'm sure I'll feel like a million dollars.
D3 is still extremely clingy with her Dad.. she whines a lot when he's around! I understand why she does it and how she's feeling. Poor thing! I show her and tell her all the time how much I love her.. and I regularly remind her how much her Dad does too. That's about all I can do though.
So at this moment in time.. change is coming.. and although I'm a little frightened and a little overwhelmed at everything that needs to be done (close on the house, find D3 a new daycare, register her to start school in September, find an apartment/condo to move in to for April 1st, start working full time) it's kind of exciting at the same time.
I've been reading how all of you are doing.. and you have all grown and gotten so much stronger through this process. DBing truly is an amazing thing. It gives us our self respect and this website has allowed me (us) an opportunity to "meet" fantastic people from all over the world!!
So that's about it from my little piece of Canada!
Hi W2G, It's great to get an update from you. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that your house sells. It would make life so much easier for you being closer to work. Let us know what happens. Hugs!!!
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
Well the next leg of my journey will be starting soon.. I've found a place to live. H signed the lease with me otherwise I wouldn't have been approved. I haven't been at my job long enough and I'm not currently full time (although that will change once I move). H kept saying things like "our room" and blah blah blah... I kept telling myself to keep my distance... keep focusing on detaching.. Because complete disclosure was paramount for me to move forward. I told him months ago that we would not live together unless he stopped with the keeping stuff like facebook to himself.. that I would no longer allow him to keep me and our family as one section or his life that he keeps separate from everything else. Well he never did add me as a friend on facebook and I called him on it. He said that "when he moves back that he would like to keep his facebook to himself as his is own place".. and I told him that I would not accept that. That I had thought I made myself clear on that topic and that we were at an impasse. I truly believe he wants to have the cake eating. To pretend that he doesn't have this family and wife to all of these people that are supposedly his "friends" on there.. meanwhile having family life on the sly. It's disrespectful to me and I deserve MORE! Some of you may feel like I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill but it's how I feel. I think that if you can't show me EVERYTHING than there must be something to hide. Anyway, sounds like our separation is now permanent from his end. This is what he said "I wish I could just say that I wanted to come back but its hard knowing that I have the urge to leave. The thing you should know is I am not with anyone and in my mind I still want us to work. I feel that you relocating closer will help me adjust. All I can ask for is time."
I cannot deny that I am crushed even though at the same time I knew this was where it was heading.. but it still hurts. My hope is that it will only hurt tonight and that I will awake with new determination to live a wonderful life, without him, in the morning.
