Boy...five days and no post..I am slipping..I really don't like being on page 5!!!!! Guess I have nothing new or different to say...talked a little to h about church meeting I went to on Tuesday..he asked why I did not come out to the fire pit there afterwards..I said it was over by then..did not say that I saw his car still there but it was dark by the fire..also saw sil car and others, assumed they were all talking down there, and did not want to butt in on anything...h picked up some cookies for a work party/meeting, and the next day I called him and asked him how it went, he said ok..that he left early..now this coming from the guy who a year ago liked to go out and party with coworkers/ff-coworker..now is leaving early...hmmmmmm..he does not have much to say about his job when I ask...i know it is not good to start to dislike job..but maybe he is just trying to figure out where everything fits in..or where he fits in. I asked him the other day when bowling starts(he is partner with ff) he said I don't know, haven't heard anything...hmmmm I still have a feeling she will replace him with her new lover boy...as much as I don't like to see h hurt by the way she ditched him when he was there for all her problems, I sure hope he has seen what kind of a woman she is..the comment he made a few months ago about her sleeping with someone else before she's even d..tells me he has some morals and respect for m. I know that her d will be final 9/12...a small part of me still thinks that maybe my h will hook up with her once she is d...I hope that this is just a stupid thought that will pass quickly...as I really don't believe that for a minute...but then I don't know what I believe anymore.
I often wonder if he sees the changes in me, or has any respect for me and for the patience and space that I have given him this past year. I wish I could understand how a person can be so undecided about the love for their partner..I know, I know I've been here long enough that I should get it by now that he's not sure of what he wants..but love is not something you toss around and lose overnight...September 8 will be our 25th anniv..boy what a great day that is going to be..I have half decied to not send any card to him. I have given him a b day card...but I just can't think of giving him a card for the celebration of our m, when I don't know what he wants or feels...this is really hard for me...
