This is what I don't get...he doesn't HAVE to go. This is totally avoidable.
Of course he doesn't have to go. He doesn't HAVE to be with some OW other than his W either, but he chooses to be. He's a mess. There's no fixing him - he's got to do that himself. There's no use in trying to figure him out either. It will just drive anyone crazy.
I wonder if H would even start to have one ounce of respect for you if you stopped being available to him altogether. Simply sticking around to be his friend looks like it's doing the sitch no good. I think he treats you and talks to you the way he does because he knows he can get away with it, so he does it over and over again. He has had to face no real consequences.
But *sigh*....easier said than done.
Last edited by GoingForward; 11/12/0801:26 AM.
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
I was outside trying to repair the pool pump and H calls...to try and get me to invite him over for sex. So when I don't do it, he tries to make me feel guilty about it.
I'm serious, he is on a roll tonight. He has treated me like complete S*&T for the last 24 hrs (we won't even get into the last year) and is actually SERIOUS about thinking that I would just be ok with being a booty call.
Originally Posted By: GoingForward
I wonder if H would even start to have one ounce of respect for you if you stopped being available to him altogether
You know I'm not even sure that would do it at this point. He seems so caught up in being a "victim" that all it would do is make him feel even more "poor me"
I can't even fathom this right now. I guess how little he values me as a person and a woman, let alone a "friend" really just hit home and it hurts.
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
You did good. It probably wasn't that easy (emotionally) for you to deny him, but that's his problem. Will he see it that way? Heck no, of course not! But again, his problem. He's treating you like crap because he's a rotten child who isn't getting his way. He acts like he expects you to give him what he wants because...well...what's happened to ever make him think otherwise?
Quote:
You know I'm not even sure that would do it at this point. He seems so caught up in being a "victim" that all it would do is make him feel even more "poor me"
You don't know what it would do because you've never even tried it, girl. Sorry to be blunt, but don't assume to know.
I'm so sorry. You deserve better than what you are receiving. You need to believe that, too.
Some serious boundaries are called for here, and they must be enforced. Otherwise, they don't mean a damn thing.
(((((((Corey)))))))
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
I'm sorry, Sugar. He's abusive. You need to only talk to him when you have to (kid related). That's it. You can tell him you will work on the marriage and will talk to him ONLY in a marriage counselor's office. He can't do it on his own and is showing you no change in behavior. Be ready because when he comes crying, etc. you need to say, "I will talk to you at our counseling meeting. Let me know what day you make it. I will be there."
Here's the thing. His fantasy world is messed up. He's broke. The troll is probably mad at the world (I think overdue babies do that to moms), and him. It can't possibly his fault that his life is a mess. It certainly isn't the Troll's fault. It must be Corey's fault!
Much as it annoyed/angered him to be rejected (understandably) I think you did the right thing. He still has too many issues to work through to be making overtures towards ANY kind of R with you.
Be strong sweetie.
One day at a time.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Corey, we are all hear for you. We can see that your H's behavior isn't your fault, but we're all thinking clearly. These WA's just don't think this way anymore.
It's VERY hard to detach. I'm there with you. I want to be available for H, but he's also spewed hurtful words to me this week like your H did to you. I too stayed calm and didn't react at all to the words until after we hung up. But I feel that we HAVE to FORCE ourselves to detach from them in order to avoid the mental abuse they feel they have a right to throw on us.
Hang in there sweetheart. I bet all this anger is stemmed from both of them not knowing who's baby this really is.
Its not been a good couple of days, but I'm determined to make today better. I have a c appt. at lunch and will be talking to her about all of the stuff thats gone on the last couple of days.
I have heard from H today and apparently the Troll is now scheduled to be induced next Wed. unless the baby decides to show up before then. Its about 8lbs right now and growing.
Thats what I know for right now and I'm going to be busy with DS this week, taking him to practice and stuff, so that will be good for me.
Thanks guys for all of your support.
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
I have heard from H today and apparently the Troll is now scheduled to be induced next Wed. unless the baby decides to show up before then. Its about 8lbs right now and growing.
This is a horrible thought, but when I saw this I was thinking the troll's baby is probably too scared to come out, who can blame him/her???
Your plans sound good Corey. I'm glad you're seeing the C today too. ((((Corey)))) Karen
