So...feeling a little less pensive than I was last time I posted...my roller coaster, not my wife's.
Things are still pretty good, and she really is mostly calm and relaxed around me.
We have slowed down quite a bit on the crazy stuff...drinking and partying, going out. The normal days and evenings at home seem to be outnumbering the time away from home, and that was a goal, so I will see how that goes and what it brings.
She brought up redecorating the living room and new furniture / flat screen TV...basically filling me in on how she wanted everything to turn out when it was done.
Conversations like this have been rare. After the bomb, when I had said there were things that needed to be done around the house she gave the impression that she really did not want me involved....like she was thinking that I would be gone and if it was going to get done, she should do it on her own.
This was minor stuff, but felt like a good positive sign to me, and makes we want to jump in a little more and do things that I know would please her, even if we have not discussed them....acts of service, I believe, right?? Home improvement has been on the back burner through all of this, but it really should have been on the top of my GAL activities.
Also some talk about Thanksgiving...this after her mentioning several weeks ago that she was planning on spending it in Florida with an old friend, and taking D with her. She left me hanging on that, but I never brought it up. The recent conversation was about the menu and plan for the day, so I guess she is staying in town??
Her birthday is also coming up and she told me not to spend any money on gifts because she would rather spend the money on the house and things we need(actually she said things she "wants" for the house).
With the calmness and normalcy creeps in a little more drama for some reason....nervous that it does not really mean anything and nothing has changed...scared of maintaining that closeness we have built over the months, because of my fear that it was based on some pretty superficial stuff....and with that calmness and normalcy....why so reluctant to say the words?
Still no commitment...still no trust in my actions...still not ready.
Still more work to do.
Some how...not much going on, but new things running through my head and trying not to let them make me crazy or let it change my behavior.
