Signs to say WAW woke up?

[AmyC]

dday, how are things with you lately????

[dday101798]

Her father is back with his girlfirend and not in "her" house anymore, so things are back to the same old grind of lies and games since she has unlimited access to OM again. No more desires to friends or anything.

Blow out came on Friday, older son went missing again after school. Was finally found holed up in "her" house. W made the excuse that he doesn't want to be at "my" house as roommates kid "picks on him". I asked W why didn't anyone inform me of this? She said she addressed it with roommate, which turned out to be another B/S story. So, after ironing everything out with son, he said he wanted be by W for the weekend.

Well, I won't deprive the kid of his wish, so I took him to "W's house". She opens the door half dressed and with OM behind her. Here's a real 180*, normally, I would have snapped right then and there. didn't say or do a darn thing to him. Left child as reqeusted. Then I get home and she has other son on the phone telling him to go there too. 10 minuted later, she calls and says she's sending them back???? WTF!?!?!?!

Oh, that's right, kids would have wrecked her party plans for the night.

OH, and also on Wednesday she spent the entire afternoon wransacking "my" house to see if I've been with anyone. again, WTF? Even if I were, what difference does it make based on the circumstance?

I don't know. Father in law says there no way in hell her brother is getting the house and not to worry or listen to any of it. So I completed her request of a few weeks ago and sorted all the tapes and CD's out and put them out for her, then went dark. I also began began to 'de-wife' the house of decorations in preperation for remodeling of my own taste.

Had to call her this morning for son's coat, of which she threw on the porch and left since I was short and sweet and didnot allow any other conversation to engage.

"Ironcially" she did call this afternoon, but I declined the call an dshe left no message. I'll just let her fester it out a bit. She does know that I've had it with how the kids are being affected and am seeking legal council to the matter, so she's probably trying to get some direct insight on how that's coming along.

[AmyC]

Glad you're ok.

Stay dark and keep us posted.

I like the term "de-wife the house".

I think that's gonna be a good move for you and of course, it has absolutely no bearing on the success or failure of DBing.

Take care of yourself.



AmyC

[dday101798]

Well, I knew the 'silence' wouldn't last long.

W started blowing my phone up last night, I declined the calls.

She finally sends a text claiming to call her becasue she needs to know what assignments son I had last week is "still missing". To which I replied, none, I verified and signed off on them.

She then calls again, leaves a message begging me to call with the same invalid excuse that it's about his homework. To which I ignore.

I then get a call from brother in law, asking me on behalf of her since I won't answer my phone, if she can 'swap out' a weekend with them and take them out of town for Thanksgiving. (to the same location she was SUPOSSED to take them to this past weekend). Hence, as I knew, there were NO missing assignments and just a ploy to start the 'games' up once again.

Then the texts start rolling in, "what's with you, this is what I mean, you love me one day, hate me the next, I don't understand you".

Inbetween all of which, first off only once in recently have I hinted to to the fact that I still [felt] love for her, i did not reply to that.

I only replied, what do you expect from me, you left your family for him? You made a choice.

She then FINALLY admits to having a share in the "blame" for things going wrong, this shocked me. Coutnelss times have I had to endure "being the sole cause". I have said since get go one, WE BOTH caused the seperation. But no, she either means I have my share in causing her to be with OM, or she is referring to the seperation and still sees nothing wrong with being with OM, unclear on that, but I'm sure it would be the later of the two. I just let that be for the rest of night.

5am I get text wanting to know why I wasn't replying, and she went through the prior week of events once again, making them all my fault, when I was calm and cordial with her, even when she was half dressed with OM knowing I was bringing our son over to her as he requested and that it was her her threw sons coat on the porch after seeing her stuff the SHE REQUESTED to be put out for her, and was upset.

This is getting old in a hurry. Should have never responded at all. And once agin, after all that, as I pass "her" house on the way to the train this monring, there's OM's car. I really would love to corner him one day and show him my phone bill with how many times she texts and calls. But that' sright, they have a 'open relationship'.

Losing faith and all hope on this, at this point after seeing them together the way the were at the park and on Friday, I don't think I could ever cleanse my mind of the mental picture of them together.

[AmyC]

Texting is the worst way to communicate.
So much is lost in the translation.
I'd limit that for sure.

I don't think I could ever cleanse my mind of the mental picture of them together.

I guess you'd better start working on that then because if you can't forgive her now you're not going to see restoration - at least not in a lasting form. It's the hardest thing to do, I know. But if you truly want to forgive, you will find the way.

[dday101798]

-Rant-

Uggh, this is so tiring and now costing me money. All the calls and texts we've been making attempting to "make friends" has ran my phone bill nearly $130 over my service plan.

And all that to no avail but to push ME away when the same dead end result comes back around, "she has OM, that's the way it is". The heck with the kids are falling apart, being robbed if their childhood, that's ok, she has OM, that's the way it is. They are facing the lonliest, worst and skimpiest holiday season ever, but that's ok, she has OM and that's the way it is. I'm running out of desire to do anything about us anymore, WHOAH!!!!!, THAT'S NOT OK!!!!!, but she has other man and that's the way it is.

I have been so contained, so low key on every subject, not saying I rolled over on them, but instead of barking out and firing back shots, I listen, I reply calmly and with sincerity, and even give her the benefit of the doubt and agree to "fine, let's be friends while you're with OM and see where things go", but NO, "I'M WITH HIM AND THAT'S THE WAY IT IS". And yet I'M the one with issues?

I have done nothing but improve myself, my temper, my rationale towards her thoughts, and to make her know SHE IS the center of attention every second of every minute the few times we were actually face to face.

I have gone from the ranting, crying and pathetically begging LBS as we all start off as in the beginning, to a self confident, calm, and take injury with compassion for respect of her point of view no matter how wrong I feel it may be.

-end rant-

Anywho, going to try and figure out how I'm going to pay this bill, wasn't in the budget, and increased my daytime minutes as that's when we'd mainly speak. Boy, would I love to drop mention of that in a conversation to show that I do wish to stay in close contact.

Since I spend most of my time at home in the kitchen, I 'de-wifed' the decorations out and think I'm going to repaint the walls and either paint or resurface the cabinets this weekend. Keep my mind off things, change the atmosphere and keep me out of the beer case (been hitting that up a bit too hard lately).

Maybe this way I can come up with some politically correct way to say that I'm not the one with the "messed up head" here, all mine and others attempts to point out the wrongness of this whole thing don't seem to compute.

[dday101798]

Texting is the worst way to communicate.
So much is lost in the translation.
I'd limit that for sure.

I don't think I could ever cleanse my mind of the mental picture of them together.

I guess you'd better start working on that then because if you can't forgive her now you're not going to see restoration - at least not in a lasting form. It's the hardest thing to do, I know. But if you truly want to forgive, you will find the way.

Well, oddly enough again, you'd think texting = bad. For us, 9 of 10 times works well.

If we start off texting, and that goes well, we'll end up on the phone just chit chatting.

But, if we start off on the phone an dthings go south, we'll end up texting and straightening the disagreement out and restore communication.

so once again, we're an oddity. All our friends always said we worked together in mysterious and sometime frightening ways, but we always worked well.

As for the "cleansing the mental image out", once OM is out of the picture and I feel re-assured of it, may become easier. That will be a matter of MC, without question. If and when that happens, the more exposure to her, that may not be so hard, for now, it's pure hell.

[AmyC]

Sounds like you have everything well thought out and under control then.

[dday101798]

Sounds like you have everything well thought out and under control then.

Apparently not.

She sent me a message last night while I was at dinner with my son asking about 'swapping weekends" again. I told where we were and a small series friendly messages ensued.

I then made the apparently fatal mistake of asking if I could call her if OM wasn't there.

That sent everything into the tailspin from hell.

Not even going to bother getting into details, but things got REAL UGLY in a big hurry. W went into how great it is to be in their open relationship, and they were just intimate and is thinking about going back for seconds. Yeah, real mature uggh.

So, I don't know. If it weren't for the holiday's I'd be in a attorney's office right now. I've lost all respect for this "woman" and have a pitch black heart to her regards. This IS NOT the person I married, whom I find out little by little was a liar then too.

[AmyC]

W went into how great it is to be in their open relationship, and they were just intimate and is thinking about going back for seconds.

WOW
That is VERY uncool.
I'm sorry you had to hear that.

What was your reply?