"What would happen if you put your foot down and said: "Enough is enough. I've apolozied repeatedly for what happened 3 years ago. I've set up clear boundaries regarding my mother and her interactions with us. But this is my family, and I need to have a decent relationship with them, whether you like that or not."
Have to grin and thanks !! -- I have done exactly that - exactly - several times. The kicker is the last sentance. "But this is my family..." The answer to that was/is NO - THIS is your family - me and the kids. I can't argue too much about that so have let that last part go. Everything before that I have expressed and said again and again - a few times at increased volume.
It is one of the top 2 reasons we are in C. I agree on your "or else" input. I have had enough being pushed around and beaten down. I'm not that type and don't take it well. Subserviant mushroom Husband isn't me. And I deserve and insist to have some say in this/our relationship. My frustration level on this reached such a point I found a C and made the appointments and basically said if we don't go as a couple together, IMO we are finished. I even put out to her a plan call it quits - to finish the school year for her kids (two are seniors) and let the house go. She agreed to go right away - no arm twisting. We've had about 8 sessions and the C seems pretty good and I think we are making some progress. Wife said last session she feels we are.
