Hey rop! Sorry to hear about your sitch. I think that's the worst thing too losing the time away from our kids.
I agree with the GALing. I've found Tae Kwondo is great for releasing anger, all the punching and stuff. I guess any martial arts would be good like that. Running (well I really jog) helps too. Exercise has been so important to help me get through this past year. ((((ROP)))))
Guys you truly are wonderful people - H4H - yes the divorce is final - I asked her if she was thinking to "slow it down" and take it easier - and she said she could never do it - her crazy reasoning was this: if we go back together, and she had a relation with somebody else, it's ok because WE WERE DIVORCING, so she feel better, otherwise is going to look very bad - looks like she was cheating - and "obviously she was not". She says she doesn't miss me, but she misses a lot us as a family (??) I have been GAL for sometime, I met many nice people, and some very interesting girls, probably too young for me - I put myself a lot into work, and this is showing some unexpected results - I got some nice offers in different places, and I am probably going to have to move, and this freaks me out a lot because is going to mean the end of the relation with my kids that I love and miss incredibly. But if I stay close to home I am going to have to give up to the opportunities and be the "loser" my EX so often told me I was - while the truth is I was following her across the country for the sake of the family and I missed tons of opportunities - obviously she would NEVER follow me, so case closed. Last evening I called home too say goodnight to the kids, those are my daily 5 minutes I wait for the whole day, exW says that the kids are eating and she will call me later. She never did - I waited... and waited, then I called back when it was around bedtime - the kids where already at sleep - I got mad - she said I was "blowing things out of proportion", they got busy doing things and just they forgot to call me back - and I shouldn't make a big deal out of it - Well, it is a big deal for me - because I don't think they should forget about me while I am waiting at the other side of the phone - I felt very lonely, again. Good things I have you - unfortunately I have so little time to spend on the computer - love you all
Hopefully, you let her know your version of why you want to talk to them. Why you NEED to talk to them every night.
Just because you move to make a better life for yourself, doesn't mean the end of your relationship with your kids. Your kids are always part of your life.
It sounds like your ex STILL doesn't think right. Sorry bud. You'll find your strength. Again.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
I don't mean to encourage escalating, because that is never a good idea... What does it say in your degree about parenting time? Is she honoring the agreement, or does it need to be reviewed? Your kids deserve two parents. My STBX is as messed up as they come, but there is a provision in our papers for him to see the children, if he wants to. I don't think using the courts to protect yourself is a bad thing. Unpleasant and expensive, yes...and occasionally necessary. Sorry, it's the analyst in me that comes out and reviews the contractual obligations, instead of letting those pesky emotions get in the way. Good luck. Peace.
Me:44, WAW hx bi-polar H:48, hx of abuse S:22, S:19, D:16 Filed Oct 08, dismissed Filed again Jan 10, dismissed Now Piecing alter persona: SuperBoots
Here is what has been going on lately - I went back home for the weekend - Ex W hang out with me and the kids - this is something that doesn't happen very often - She cried - she hugged me - she asked me if I was willing to go back together (I didn't answer yes or no - I said that it would not be an easy road and I would need to see some real effort on her side, otherwise I am good where I am now). Now the confusing part - I asked if things with OM are not doing too well - and she said that Nooooo - things are doing VERY WELL. Plus - she just came from a romantic trip with OM - few days ago she even had the kids sleep over at his house - TODAY they went all together to eat outside and she hinted he asked her to merry. Now, what is going on? I am totally confused - can somebody explain me why she is behaving this way? A year has passed since the separation - the divorce got final - she says OM is such a great guy - then she has this "testings" to see if I am available - but she is not doing ANYTHING to show she is ready for a change.... WHAT IS GOING ON!!!
The next time she asks you, bounce it back to her and say "Is that what you want?" If you get an "I don't know," or anything else that's wobbly (and you will), just confidently change the subject.
She's just messing with you, and wanting the attention of both of you, in my opinion. Had you answered in the affirmative, she likely would have waffled and backtracked.
Don't take her seriously. Just focus on your kids and be a good dad. I'm not saying to avoid your XW, I'm just saying don't let her play with your head. If she says things, just smile and act like your life has gone on (which is what you have to do). Just think of her as as the babysitter or nanny. Just another person on the street.
Focus on your kids and creating great memories with them. Be the "Disneyland Dad." If your time with them is not as long as you like, make every moment of it very very special. Arrange to take them special places and give them 100% of yourself when you are with them.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
