More of the same...

[Bagheera]

Thanks for the further insite, SH;

On the one hand, I can support standing up to one's parents in favor of one's wife: I've had to draw that line myself -- forcefully on occasion -- with my own parents. On the other hand, unless there are *real* issues of abuse and misconduct, I could not support cutting yourself (and your kids) off completely from your FOO at your wife's behest/insistence. Based upon your description, you HAVE sacrificed, and probably too much, all for the sake of your wife's pride.

Remember what I said in my original post to you, about having to be as strong or stronger than a strong woman, in order to keep her respect and keep her sexually attracted to you?

What would happen if you put your foot down and said: "Enough is enough. I've apolozied repeatedly for what happened 3 years ago. I've set up clear boundaries regarding my mother and her interactions with us. But this is my family, and I need to have a decent relationship with them, whether you like that or not."

Take my opinion with a large grain of salt, SH, but I think that you need to start standing up to her, and stop letting her dictate all the terms of your relationship....or else. Your "or else" sounds like you either stay together miserable and whipped by her, or separate. You need to start making your own "or else" here --> one in which you can achieve your own goals and happiness and hold your head up high as a man.

I hope you have a good counselor, one whom you both trust, can both listen to, and can iron these things out with.

-- B.