Quote: did your h tell you he felt like his ideas did not count? I don't know at this point if that is how my h feels..I think some of that plays a part..I have always done EVERYTHING..from cooking to garbage out..and now I look back and wonder why didn't I ask for help..or insist on help..I was an at home mom for so long that it all just got done..now h is doing own laundry..cleaning(maybe), cooking, paying bills...all the things I took over and did..
Yes, and has since told me that he never felt like our home was his, that he wants a place of his own, decorated the way he wants - this in spite of the fact that I could never get a response or input from him. In fact, one time he entrusted me with finding a home for us and he was going to sign the papers for it sight unseen. The realtor insisted that he see it first and we did actually both enjoy the home, but still ...
upon reflection, I see that I took his lack of response as disinterest, when perhaps he just needed more time to make decisions AND he probably did "feel that his ideas didn't count", especially since I did all the things you mentioned above (at least until the last few years before S). H did outside work, I did inside work - something I now find unacceptable - I'd like to share responsibilites - that is, if I had a partner
Sue, I may be out of line here - and I do not know how long you have been S, but from my experience, I know that asking H if he's coming back ... always led to a painful discussion AND sometimes H told me to be careful of what I asked for as I might get it. He truly needed time.
That said, please don't think that I'm out of the woods - I'm so very close to initiating that discussion again and ending it all, as I don't think I can stand any more pain. I'm just saying that perhaps you might give him more time to sort things out and try, in the meantime, to enjoy your life.
