I'm here........

[SueS]

Hi-

Well, I'm wondering if things are starting to slip again or if it will just take time to get through it all.

My cell has been on the fritz so guess what. I had to ask H if I could use his. I asked about it being locked. He got an attitude. I played around with it after he unlocked it....to the point of playing the tune that is assigned to OW's #. Yep, it's still in there. He got mad. I pushed again asking when the last time was that they talked.....was it really over. He said that it had been a few weeks since they'd talked and yes it was really over. Then why the locked phone? Why the special ring tone? Why is her number even still in his phone? He was angry, but told me a couple of times that it was over. I guess my heart wants to believe that it really is, but my head says it's not. My head keeps asking the question.....if she called today and said she was ready, would he leave us again? I asked him what right he felt he had to get angry with ME that he still was contacting her? He said he wasn't mad. I told him that I'm trying and that I'm going to keep trying but that he needs to end things once and for all.

I see H doing things that show that he's ready to move forward for us. Finding information on buying a house. Making some plans for future things for us. The actions are there....in a way, but he's quiet and a little cold. I want to scream that I'm tired and that I don't want to be anyone's second choice anymore.

Still nothing on the DUI situation. Again, the next court date is 11/18. H's dad goes in for surgery on 11/17. Looks like H may be spending Thanksgiving with his dad. If that happens, D4 and I will head out to my parent's house. Otherwise, we'll probably stick around here and decorate for Christmas that weekend.

Well, it's still been really busy at work so I guess I'll stop by again when I can.

SueS