Things are settling down...not sure that's good!

[Amy M]

Okay...so, I talked to friend at work about the discussion of assets with H last night. This particular friend has provided some insight throughout the sitch...maybe just the male perspective. But, here's the jist of what he and I talked about...it has me worried a little. But, it's out of my control so I can't worry about it long. Maybe if I post it, I can get it off my mind.

Background...
So, I'm sure I've posted that H has a son from a previous R that lasted only about a year. He was young...19 when he met her. For a while a few years back, this S lived with us. He's got some physical, emotional, and learning disabilities and his mom was having lots of trouble with him. We did great with the S. His grades improved. He stuck to the rules. He was doing great! I suspect that she got jealous of our perceived success with him and so, she accused us of child abuse. The Dept of Children and Families investigated, and in the end, asked us to take custody of the son full time. H agreed, but only if the mom would relinguish some of her rights in the decision making for S. She would not. So, she took him back. We went to every other weekend visitation, and she accused us on another occasion of abuse. The sheriff came to our house at midnight to talk to us. In the end, the sheriff dismissed the case. So, after that I told H, we can't have S in our house. I can't risk losing my kid over this crazy woman. H agreed. We tried to get her to agree to contact the State and set up supervised visitation. She would not. She wanted us to keep him weekends so she could live a life. Ultimately, she moved away. We don't talk to her or S at all. H pays his court-ordered support faithfully, but, that's it. So, I've been panicked that my boys would end up in a similar sitch with H...no R at all. Apparently, H has no regrets about that sitch. I know it's different...he didn't have real R with the S. He and the mother were miles apart when S was born. I forced what little bit of R they did have...just my nature!

So, anyway, what H said last night about the division of assets was this: "I'll leave 25% of my shares of business assets to S6, 25% to S3, 10% to take care of 1st son, and the rest will go to, well, right now, you." He went on to say that he'd put the kids' money in a trust, and that I'd be named as the trustee. I teased him that I might cash in and move to Cancun with the kids' money. He said, "No you won't. But, you will be able to sell or whatever." So, I thought it was kind of strange, but dimissed it.

Then, I talked to friend...he said, "Oh, my! He's in worse trouble than we thought." I asked what he meant. He said, "That's very telling. He's planning to marry OW, but he's afraid of her. He knows she won't be fair to the boys. He thinks he owes her part of the business, but he doesn't trust her to run it without him." I said, "How'd you get all that?" So, he did the math for me. What H said last night was that he'd leave 60% of his shares to the kids and the other 40% to his wife. Since OW already owns 10% of the business, I just took that to be a 50/50 split...didn't think about it really. And, I thought to myself, what are we gonna do with 1/2 the business? We can't sell 1/2 the business. But, friend pointed out that it's actually a 54% to 46% split in favor of the kids with me as trustee. So, he's actually talking about leaving me with the decision about whether to sell the business or not.

Friend said that was pretty major. He said that when forced to put his money on the table, that the kids won out...and that he was trusting me with the responsibility of seeing that all his kids were provided for in the long run.

So, he said that he thinks H is trapped in this sitch because of A with OW. He thinks H would like to get out of it, but can't figure how. She's left her H for this business (and maybe the promise of M to my H), and if he doesn't come through for her, she might just sue him for sexual harassment and take the whole thing!

BG had told me before that she thought that was part of the deal here. And, that she thought H would never tell me if that's the case. The ultimate failure for a man...to lose all he's worked for professionally because he couldn't keep his pants zipped!

I guess none of it matters really. I can't act on these assumptions. And, the only thing I could do even if he talked to me would be to stall the D and fight the settlement and give her more time to get tired and find another man to latch onto.

It was just an interesting perspective, and now it's just weighing on my mind. I'll just have to pray for him! That's all I can do. He made his bed. If there's any truth to any of it, the moral, be careful who you mess with!!!

Okay...got to get back to work!!

Amy