Morning all......thank you all for believing in me....your posts brought tears to my eyes...as TOH said....everything about my H is true and I do need to move forward for me but truly it doesnt make the pain any better....in my heart I believe I will be okay..hoping that all the visuals in my head will diminish in time...that my sadness turns into hope for the future of my children and myself...it is going to be a rough road but I have to let him go....I can't let him destroy me like he is destroying his own life....
My boss, who I just adore...told me yesterday that he is truly amazed at the love and devotion I have for my children...and how I stuck by my H through all of this...that meant the world to me..he also said that whatever I needed to come to him and he will try and help me...my job is safe...my kids are safe...I have wonderful family and friends, and all of you....you are my safe place...without it I would have crashed...I think Dry Heat and Sandy get the brunt of my crashing world since I can call them on the phone sobbing...thank you both of you...all of you here..wow...snodderly, TOH, Di, BA...Yellowrose who I've adopted as a second mother...LOL!! and MWG...cause you've been through it....and too many others to name....if you look at all that, wow, we have quite the support system...and guess what...
I've been able to use what I've learned from you all to help a friend going through all this with her fiance....and I did quite well....and all along listening to my own advice...I told them about letting them go, not pressuring, not begging, etc...and it's working...gotta love that...
I do have bad days right now but it's the shock, the "I can't believe my life is here"....but I'll be okay...I have to be...I have kids who need the sane parent...even though there are days I want to run away...to not hear "mom"....I stop and think some day I'll be begging to hear my name from my kids....they are my future and I want to teach them whats right from whats not acceptable...and when I have friends telling me what wonderful kids I have, I smile....cause I've done most of the raising of respectable children....Virtual...I am a good mom...and I have more love to give...some day someone will sweep me off my feet and I will know the true meaning of love and respect...
So, today..I am home...S11 is sick....and I'm a single parent...I will just sit and cuddle with him and tell him how much I love him....he eats that up...
D16 is doing much better....afraid now to get her license but I told her she has to get back out there and just do it...of course inside I'm panicked but she'll be fine....
To all my divorce busting friends......God Bless you all!!
((((hugs))))
Treese
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
You are doing better than you think. All of this takes so much time and we all go through it at our own pace.
You are a great mom. Your kids know that. Your H is in never-never-land right now and until he is ready things won't change for him. That is why it is so important that you move ahead like he is never coming home. Get that peace in your life again. Take care of you and your kids, that's what is important!
Hi, Treese. I've read your sitch but never posted to you, but just wanted to say hang in there!! You are an amazing woman! It's people like you that really give me hope! That may sound strange but I'll try to tell you why. This weekend while I sat crying in my soup, thinking my world has come to an end because my H has had a one-night stand with his secretary, you are getting results that your's has a love child 8 years old.....but I don't mean to say that "no matter how bad you have it, someone has it worse" (I hate it when someone says that!).
No, that's not what I'm getting at. But, I read about ladies like yourself on these board that obviously have such a big heart and such courage and grace to take joy in their kids, and inspire other around them even when their world is crashing in, and it seems so very clear to me that God doesn't give a person a heart like this if He doesn't mean for it to be used. (And I am not a religeous person either). I have no doubt in my mind that in the long run you will have love and joy beyond your dreams because what goes around comes around. That's just nature. So, if I truly believe that for you, and I sincerely do, and someone of your caliber can have such trials and still keep your grace. Then, maybe there is hope even for the little cry-babies like myself!
So keep a spring in your step a know that your day is coming!!
TJ
Me45,H49 D24,S18 M26,T28 Bomb 3/19/08 Sep 6/23/08 EA/PA with Secretary 2007-8 3/2009 H moved in w/OW2 7/2009 Let him go w/Love. 8/2009 Legally Sep'd
Enjoy your kids as they grow up so fast. The one thing you will never regret is being there for your kids. They really need you right now.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
I really like it when you sound like this! It looks good on you!
S10 still like hugs and snuggles, so do I! Get them while you can! I'm glad D16 is doing better. Hopefully this will help her see what can happen when things go bad, and also that it can usually be prevented!
Silent.... Wow....thanks for all the compliments..I ..I read you thread also...isn't it amazing how you can be with someone soooo long and not know who they are....
I try to think that there is a silver lining to my clouds but it's difficult some days...my friends remind me daily that God is not going to give me anything I can't handle...well...my plate is actually full now....I'm tired...really...my kids are what gets me through all this...they don't deserve to have to deal with this so I try to make it as normal as possible although sometimes I do or say things that are wrong but that's part of getting through it...take the good with the bad...if you would have talked with me a year ago...I would have told you there are not positives in my sitch....slowly I'm seeing them... We cant get past it in a short time..we've been with our spouses forever...it will take time.. (someone remind me of that when I'm freaking out next)
And don't for a minute think you're a cry-baby...non of us are..we are mourning the death of our marriage....I still cry alot but not as long, unless I get more news I'm not expecting, which has been quite a bit lately...I keep thinking....geez...it has to end eventually.......there is a very small part of me that hopes one day my H will regret...crash....but I won't hold my breath...
Yes....I love him very much, even with all he's done...it's my makeup...I love with my whole heart and soul soooooo someone will be lucky someday..I just hope I can let that wall down to welcome it again...time will tell...I do have hope....hope for the future that H comes to his senses....it's all I have for now...
Last night I talked to my SIL, who is one of my best friends, and the sister my H is living with.....we cried on the phone for over an hour....she wants me to come to her house Thanksgiving night, a tradition we have had for 30 years....I told her I cannot do it....that I have told my children they can go with their father if they would like...it's up to them...it's just it won't be the same without mom there...SIL said she would make H go away so I could come...we are closer than he and she are....she said Grandma needs to see the grandkids....I told her H should be taking the kids...it's not up to me anymore...she said if I didn't show up she would come get me and drag me there...folks...I can't do it...it's the house he stays at sometimes...and I also told her that I can't come to her house knowing he is going to bring OW there for Christmas..I told her I wished the Holidays would just go by without mention....anyway...we cried...I do feel bad I haven't talked to my MIL..but I can't....I don't feel like I'm part of the family any longer....
So...the saga continues.....surprisingly enough I still get up, get ready, take care of the kids, and carry on with my life like nothing has changed....if I stop, I will crash....truly...
(((hugs)))
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
Just heard from someone who works with my H....she is the sister of a girl I work with...she said the little boy looks just like my H....huuhhhh.....not what I wanted to hear.....
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
They didn't help you by telling you that. But, it doens't matter, anyway. Try to remember, of all the people involved in this, that little boy is the most innocent. He had nothing to do with any of it. He deserves as much love as any little guy.
You need to try to detach your feelings from all of these things going on around you that you can't control, ans get back to centering on you, and your kids. Do what you have to do to protect them, and take care of them. Let the other things take care of themselves. As YR says, live as though your H is not coming back. Anything else is holding you back.
I don't know what I think about how to handle the holidays.... let me think about that some more. His family is so close to you is makes things a bit interesting!
Treese, you are going to be ok. You have to be, your children need you. They need to know that you are there for them. Let your h blow in the breeze right now. As for the holidays, I think you should do what is best for you - what is most comfortable for you.
