I contacted her for the first time in a long time this morning. As you all know, I've been struggling with wanting her to EVEN have a R with the kids. S has parent/teacher conference today and I wasn't even going to remind her. The appt. sheet has been hanging on the refrigerator for a couple of weeks. As I know that she passes through the house and eats from the 'frig; I figured that she should know on her own.
But in my reluctant effort to ensure that I'm not alienating her; I sent her a text reminding her of the appt. this afternoon. She replied that she would try to take a long lunch to attend. So now if she doesn't make it; it was her decision. I can't be accused of trying to keep her out of the loop on important things with the kids.
I contacted her for the first time in a long time this morning. As you all know, I've been struggling with wanting her to EVEN have a R with the kids. S has parent/teacher conference today and I wasn't even going to remind her. The appt. sheet has been hanging on the refrigerator for a couple of weeks. As I know that she passes through the house and eats from the 'frig; I figured that she should know on her own.
But in my reluctant effort to ensure that I'm not alienating her; I sent her a text reminding her of the appt. this afternoon. She replied that she would try to take a long lunch to attend. So now if she doesn't make it; it was her decision. I can't be accused of trying to keep her out of the loop on important things with the kids.
I think that's smart. After all, it's just common courtesy to remind someone, right? And that puts it on her now.
have you considered letting the teachers know that there is a possibility of at least separation at this point? Maybe not that directly, but just that there are some stresses at home? I know that's awkward, but it's helpful to them to know if there is something afoot as it applies to dealing with your children during the day.
I have thought about letting the teachers know about the home situation; but so far I have not. Maybe I'm still a little in denial about it; as far as letting strangers know. I don't know. Really, I've just been so busy and my S seems to be doing well; so maybe it's not affecting him so much yet.
We'll have to see what the content of today's conference turns up. If it turns out he's having issues; then maybe today is the time to bring it up.
morning tom! you sure did lock up fast! I have been telling ya since i met you, I dont know any mom who could walk away from her kids like yours has. maybe her mother can commit her for you!
good luck with the ptc. you did right by reminding her! and if your S is having problems, it might be good to let the teacher know. I had to do that last year, when H left.
HUGS to you
M 36 XH 34 3 children If a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand. Mark 3:25 "your mood swings are giving me whiplash" twilight ALIVE FREE AND HAPPY 2010
I'd give them the heads up in case he starts having trouble at school so they know to let you know. You don't know what could happen in the next nine weeks or until the next p.t. conference. Next to you, these are the people who have the most interaction with S and can note the changes in behavior that these sorts of things bring about. Also, my S has been talking with the C at school and he said that helped him. Is that an option for your kids? I think it is easier for them to talk feelings with someone who doesn't have an emotional reaction to what they are saying.
M42 S12/D9 T17/M12 Bomb 1 3/22/06 Bomb 2 7/11/08 Bomb 3 7/31/08 W Filed 8/1/08 D granted 12/17/08 D Finalized 1/29/09
A man who compromises his principles never had them in the first place.
Definitely let the teacher know. They may be seeing signs of stress in your son in relation to the way he is handling other kids, classwork, etc.. I let my son's teachers know almost immediately so that they could help me watch for stress in him. Remember, we entrust these people to spend more time with our kids than even we get to. Trust them to help you at this time. You deserve as much help as you can get.
As far as having your W committed, there is A LOT involved in that and there must be specific cause (i.e. - suicidal, self-mutilation, violence). Unreliability and selfishness can't have someone committed unfortunately. I guess if it could, we would all have our spouses locked up!
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
My S, who doesn't talk much about our sitch and doesn't seem too bothered by it most of the time, drew his family picture at school without his dad in it. That's when I decided I had to tell the teacher. Please do tell the teacher.
You don't have to give details. If your W shows today, you can tell the teacher together...that way it's not anything she'll think you are doing behind her back, etc. I believe that kids need all the support they can get...and, by not telling the teacher, you are foregoing that line of support for your S. I'd also tell the daycare workers at D's daycare. They might notice changes/issues even before you do!!!
Just my $0.02!!
Amy
Me 39 H 36 S 7 S 4 T 15 M 12 H out 8/1/08 OW confirmed 8/6/08 D final on 6/12/09...I'm doing good!
You all have persuaded to pull my head out of you know where..
It's time that I let all pertinent parties know of the home sitch.
Thanks so much for your input.. I just hope I don't get too emotional. W can't make me cry; but when I have to do things like this, it starts to make all TOO REAL. I just never wanted my kids to have this life. I just wanted them to have a mom and a dad in the same house. It just sucks.
But I'm not really in a bad way right now; I just get emotional dealing with kids and this stupid sitch.
I am going to chime in here, too. You need to tell the teacher that, at minimum, there are problems at home.
My D9 is not only dealing with this, but H's deployment. The school put her in a group of other kids whose parents are also deployed. She is adapting to that part well, anyway. They see our kids as much as we do in a day, only they get more awake time. Better they are prepared and it is not needed, than unprepared and your child implodes, leaving them wondering WTH happened to that great little kid.
SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
To add to the thought of committing the W; my MIL is SOOOO codependent, she thrives on trying to fix everyone else's misery.
She's getting better and we don't talk about the sitch between the two of us. I learned my lesson 2 years ago on that. The idea from my MIL on committing her D was brought up 2 years ago after the W attempted suicide and subsequently enter an in-patient rehab program.
I see no absolute reason to commit the W. If she's ever been a danger to anyone; it would have been to herself. Right now, I don't even see that.
to conclude, I've never considered committment an option EVER. Certainly not right now.
