The walk to the train station was a complete shocker for me. I remember the last time I'd asked if he wanted to go with me and he said that he would rather be alone and use that time to think; it was the day that I moved out and I was so devastated. From there on out he wanted to be alone with everything he did, but during the past 4 days, we've gone to the store and the train station together, and he's quit hanging out downstairs while I am upstairs. I just keep second-guessing everything...I think if these changes stick for 2 weeks or so, I will feel better. I need to feel like they are ingrained in my H, and not a fluke or a trial...I need to feel like we are in the place where if we DID have an R talk, it would be realistic and not full of spew, guilt, and resentment. I want to know that my real H is there. The H I am seeing now is the real H, only obviously very hurt. I can feel how hurt this whole thing has made him, and he's somehow become a little softer. Everything seems to make him sad. I talked about a dog that we gave away last night, and he got really sad and said not to bring it up again. Some TV shows make him sad...difference now I guess is that he is admitting these things, and not just shutting down. I hope he will remain this open with me.
I'm a little worried now as I only heard from H once today and it was to say he didn't think the heater was working and that "he'd" test it, not that we would test it... Now he's been offline for hours, and I really, really hope this is not a sign that he is freaking out again. He hasn't been joking around with me, and hasn't mentioned anything about tonight. Every other day so far he made some reference to the evening, to dinner, to errands etc. I just wish I could feel more secure. I hope I get there soon...
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
