As I read more and get feedback I realize how "unconventional" - for lack of a better word - our marriage is and always has been. Things like helping around the house etc.. has never been an issue and I'm pretty sure isn't. I've asked over the years here and there if there was anything she wanted me to do or help with. The answer has always been no. Reason being, we are both independant people and take care of ourselves and our kids. We did it on our own for years before we met and there was never an expectation that would change. We keep our finances totally seperate and always have. The only thing financially that we are connected together on is the house title and mortgage which both our names is on and we split 50/50. We have never fought about money. Really - ever. My wife is very non domestic and in fact domestic stuff is more important to me than it is her. I don't ask or expect her to although I have complained quite a few times our house is such a mess so much. I have given up on that as it isn't important to her and my wants aren't important enough to try to get kids to clean up after themselves. She told me she isn't going to do anything about it so I should relax and give up/forget about it and I have done my best to do so. She does her own laundry, I do mine and my kids and the house items. She doesn't like to shop and I do (I actually do it for a living) so I do 90% of it - food and all house items. She buys most of her kids needs and I do mine. I'm a deal hunter but not excessively so and she has never complained or expressed any issue with how/what I buy. It's actually the reverse - she tells me I do a good job with it and she likes that she doesn't need to do it. I monitor the food/drinks stocks and we have what we/the kids need 95% or more of the time. She cooks or makes sure there is food available for the kids during the week and I do weekends. Lots of the house chores are done by the kids as earning their allowance and with 5 kids most of the regular stuff like dishes daily, taking garbage out, and washing floors once a week is covered. I do the man type stuff - the yard, cars, and house repairs although she occasionally does some house repair/improvement stuff also. I have zero issue with most all of our arrangement/life.
The big issue is us getting over the emotional damage that I think we both have. We've had too many nasty arguments the last year or so with little or no resolution. Lots of things now seem to be off limits to talk about to the point it seems like there isn't much for us to talk about. Our once pretty regular sex life has dwindled to about once a month on average and very strained and restricted activity wise. I have bitter feelings about it and IMO she doesn't seem to care one way or the other. Regular living / house / job / money type stuff isn't much of a problem.
I guess as I write this, it makes me realize all in all things could be a lot worse. But also the distance between us now is pretty significant.
