The results are in...Dust myself off & start again

[Treese]

Silent....
Wow....thanks for all the compliments..I ..I read you thread also...isn't it amazing how you can be with someone soooo long and not know who they are....

I try to think that there is a silver lining to my clouds but it's difficult some days...my friends remind me daily that God is not going to give me anything I can't handle...well...my plate is actually full now....I'm tired...really...my kids are what gets me through all this...they don't deserve to have to deal with this so I try to make it as normal as possible although sometimes I do or say things that are wrong but that's part of getting through it...take the good with the bad...if you would have talked with me a year ago...I would have told you there are not positives in my sitch....slowly I'm seeing them...
We cant get past it in a short time..we've been with our spouses forever...it will take time.. (someone remind me of that when I'm freaking out next)

And don't for a minute think you're a cry-baby...non of us are..we are mourning the death of our marriage....I still cry alot but not as long, unless I get more news I'm not expecting, which has been quite a bit lately...I keep thinking....geez...it has to end eventually.......there is a very small part of me that hopes one day my H will regret...crash....but I won't hold my breath...

Yes....I love him very much, even with all he's done...it's my makeup...I love with my whole heart and soul soooooo someone will be lucky someday..I just hope I can let that wall down to welcome it again...time will tell...I do have hope....hope for the future that H comes to his senses....it's all I have for now...

Last night I talked to my SIL, who is one of my best friends, and the sister my H is living with.....we cried on the phone for over an hour....she wants me to come to her house Thanksgiving night, a tradition we have had for 30 years....I told her I cannot do it....that I have told my children they can go with their father if they would like...it's up to them...it's just it won't be the same without mom there...SIL said she would make H go away so I could come...we are closer than he and she are....she said Grandma needs to see the grandkids....I told her H should be taking the kids...it's not up to me anymore...she said if I didn't show up she would come get me and drag me there...folks...I can't do it...it's the house he stays at sometimes...and I also told her that I can't come to her house knowing he is going to bring OW there for Christmas..I told her I wished the Holidays would just go by without mention....anyway...we cried...I do feel bad I haven't talked to my MIL..but I can't....I don't feel like I'm part of the family any longer....

So...the saga continues.....surprisingly enough I still get up, get ready, take care of the kids, and carry on with my life like nothing has changed....if I stop, I will crash....truly...

(((hugs)))