Surrendering to hope

[istherehope]

Hi,

Some of you have seen me post about my friend in MLC previously. He's had what he thinks might be an epiphany about his ex, and thought it could be of interest...an insight into the confusion...

So friend is 32, a bit young for full-blown MLC, but with all the classic symptoms. He was with his fiance for 9 years. During the last year or so he started having an A, and kept this hidden. His F found out, got understandably upset, moved out for awhile, then came back and said she wanted to work things out. He couldn't make up his mind about what he wanted, and ultimately chose the A. Then he moved to another country for work and to get away, broke off the A, and slowly started becoming friends with his ex again. They talk on IM, he sees her when he visits this country etc. For the last few months we've been talking about this, about how he thinks his ex is the strongest, most amazing woman there is. I kept urging him to just fight his doubts and insecurities and try again. I think he was getting close to doing that, when his ex told him about a guy who had written her a poem. This made him really upset, and then he saw on FB that her status had changed to "in a relationship". Now he is devastated, has blocked her from IM, and can barely get through his days at work.

I've been trying to convince him that it's still not too late to tell her how he feels and that he wants to try again, but now he is worried about causing her grief again, about changing his mind again etc. He feels guilty and like she doesn't deserve this. Personally I think she would be thrilled to know he still loves her, and that this is a great opportunity for them both.

Anyway I was just surprised at the real self-doubt and insecurity that this guy has. He wants to be with his ex, clearly loves her, but feels like he can't hurt her again. Seems like this is how many of our WAS might be feeling...

ITH