Hi, Arianne, 16 years! That's how long I've been M total! And oh boy, I'm going a little nuts after only *one* year of celibacy! I am really, really hoping that it's not going to be a permanent condition for the rest of my life! If there's something preventing intimacy, like a physical problem, you have to live with it, but otherwise I can't imagine being M and having a reasonably good R with each other and not ML! Of course, I am sleeping in the same bed with my H every night even though he doesn't touch me, which seems very strange to me (and everyone else I tell)...but even if he did express interest in ML with me, I would have to tell him that as long as he has an OW, I don't feel right about being intimate with him. Besides which, I don't want any nasty little health surprises!
Yes, I wasn't sure where you were located but thought you were in England, and I know you don't celebrate Thanksgiving the way we do here. It's a nice holiday, I think, and less pressure than Christmas because there aren't any gifts to buy. I grew up in a non-religious family, but I privately take the opportunity at Thanksgiving to really thank God for what I have, and renew my commitment to the practice (I fall off that wagon a lot). But it can be a little stressful to have two big family holidays only a month apart.
But we are already starting to see Christmas stuff go up in stores, which I don't like--I wish they would wait until December, or at least until after Thanksgiving (only 4 days' difference this year). I think if they have Christmas decorations up for a quarter of the year, it loses its charm and "specialness"!
Anyway...tell me again why your H couldn't face your family? Was it shame because of OW?
They say the "average" A lasts about six months, and my H's has been going on for about 15 months, so it's overdue to burn out...I hope!! No signs of that yet, though, and a lot of people here seem to have WAS's with longer A's than average. But...as difficult as it is to have him living here and rubbing my nose in his A and being cold to me all the time, and as much as I think it would probably be easier if he lived elsewhere while he's in mental outer space, I do agree that he must feel some sort of connection to me if he still lives here, still puts on his wedding ring before he leaves every day....
Well, it's after 5 a.m. here and I was going to go to bed earlier...that didn't happen! Hope you are doing well today!
Peace and blessings, Dawn
Me 45/H 47, no kids Together since 1985; M/1992 Bomb1 (EA-OW1, age 22) 2001 Bomb2 (EA/PA-OW2, age 22) 10/2007, A continues H left 11/24/08 minimal contact, no legal action http://tinyurl.com/DawnHope1
If there's something preventing intimacy, like a physical problem, you have to live with it, but otherwise I can't imagine being M and having a reasonably good R with each other and not ML! Of course, I am sleeping in the same bed with my H every night even though he doesn't touch me, which seems very strange to me (and everyone else I tell)...but even if he did express interest in ML with me, I would have to tell him that as long as he has an OW, I don't feel right about being intimate with him. Besides which, I don't want any nasty little health surprises! 
