No toe painting yet....but looking forward to playing that Wii with D7 .....maybe even before she turns 8. I wonder if I will be able to keep it from her until her birthday?
I know I have feelings but sometimes I am TOO soft. As an adult, I should at least be able to look the situation head on and come to soem rather obvious conclusions. Especially since this has been going on for a while and like I said above, I am not really sure what the best case scenario would be at this point. This rope thing also keeps me from expanding my horizons if you will. I guess the key is probably to meet other "people"..which W seems to not have had a problem with. Me on the other hand...I am stuck in neutral. I have had folks who have come forward with potential available ladies. I am not there yet...I don't know when that magic moment will occur.
Being 'stuck' is a tough place to be.. especially when nothing around you seems appealing.
I was married for better or worse.. and was stuck because I didn't know how to get out of the 'not so good' and 'this sucks' in a positive way. I went along and got along focusing on being a mom and wife and pushing the "Kathleen/Gyspy" away. Everything was more important than me.
Well.. oops.. my marriage is kaput because spouse went for option B and I have a choice... or a question I can ask myself.. "Where do I want to be... where do I need to be?"
As you well know, most folks here swing a 2x4 better than most major league hitters. A good friend pushes me to talk to men on a regular basis.. not anything more than that. I've spent 26 years focused on one man, defined by the union and now it's no longer there.
Hello world. Damn. So I get unstuck by saying hi as I'm taking my morning walk at the track. I cheer one guy on when he laps me. He's getting over tendonitis and is slowing returning to the love he has for running. A few days ago we walked a few laps during his warm up.
It was no big deal... just chit chat. Just two people talking. I didn't look for a ring.. but I do look at people.. men differently. I'm more interested in what comes out of their mouths than being scared.
I smile and talk kumquats to an older guy at the grocery store. I put my foot in my mouth while waiting in a line. I get used to talking and being around men who aren't my spouse.
I don't think there's a magic time to let go, or find someone else or even go looking. You, me, everyone of us can be as happy or sad as we want to be. You, me, everyone of us has lots of choices for how to seek support.
But you know what John? I'm not ready to go out in the world as a single woman. And I don't see a problem with that. I can have my fantasies.. (thinking vacuums and th.. never mind!) but it will happen. Doing the little things like trying.. doing the choir, which lead to Gregorian chanting, which lead to voice lessons... starts the momentum that just might help those teenie tiny baby steps to get unstuck.
Gypsy, thanks for the encouragement....You are right, I need to start with some tiny baby steps to get unstuck. Let's see what tommorow brings....you have given me enough ideas...vacuuming, doing something physical, grocery shopping....I may have forgotten a few... By the way I am pretty much 0/4 on your signature (motto)...make that 0/5.
I read your post earlier but didn't reply b/c I just didn't have the right words...I probably still don't.
I think I backed away from filing for D last week b/c I was not ready to fully face the reality of what getting a D will mean. I know that if/when H is out of the house and we are co-parenting instead of co-mingling (not that we mingle anything now! ;)), it will be hard to truly let go b/c somewhere inside it means we are really, truly, done. That is a scary thing for me to think about.
Hope I am not hijacking. I just try to think of how I will feel in your situation, and I am sure I will be 'stuck'. You get married thinking it will last forever. Now the plan has changed. It takes some time to readjust and make a new plan...
Sorry for the ramble. Basically, I am thinking of you......
You can ramble here anytime you like......or in the words of Jimmy Paige and Robert Plant:
Gonna ramble on, sing my song Gotta keep-a-searchin for my baby... Gonna work my way, round the world I cant stop this feelin in my heart Gotta keep searchin for my baby I cant find my bluebird! Id listen to my bluebird sing but I cant find my blue bird A-keep-a ramblin baby...
Hey John..I'm gonna offer up something on the "stuck" stuff..ya know..you can't put a timeline on any of this. Being men, I think we sometimes think that something needs to happen in a certain period of time and that's not really true. There is no time line on reconciliation or moving forward if your done..I've always said you'll know when you know..you're little voice will tell you.."john, it's ok..move onto the next step in your life". Some move faster than others. It's not the speed of the journey, it's how you make the trip. The key to all is this not getting stuck in one place. Making small steps every day is the way to go..I think that's why it's imperative that we GAL like a Mofo..LOL...gal'ing gets us moving, keeps us busy, keeps our mind from racing..
kathleen and I talk about the "stuck" thing all the time..moving forward a little at a time is the key..I think..
hey..and good on the WII...I introduced caleigh to the Playstation 2 this past weekend..LOL
My signature line is there to remind me of helpful goals.
It's like a prayer my mom used to make me say everyday from age 15 on..
"Each word I say, each act I do I do dear Jesus for love of you this day."
Over time I tried doing just one little thing for another person a day. Now it's second nature... and not cloaked in codependence.
I think of those goals in my signature as guidelines and goals.. little pinpricks to my way of thinking.. kinda like putting all little angels on my shoulder in cheerleader's outfits when my lil red devil side whispers thoughts that usually sabotage me.
I tell you John... I'm really thinking that vacuuming in the attire previously mentioned just might be a good thing. It's definitely taking you out of your comfort zone! If it's too much, consider tighty whities and a cigar with the vacuum. You won't even need an ashtray!
Won't even need an ashtray....that is beautiful! You live in the Northeast.....it's getting a little cool up here to be vacuuming in the aforementionned attire. Although I do remember there being some fur on that garment....maybe it will reduce the shrinkage normally attributed to the cold!!!!
Do something to break out of your pattern. Do something you've never done before. Even if it's something small. Try a new experience (and I'm not talking about vacuuming in a fur thong).
Maybe have coffee with one of these women. It's just coffee. Do something. Break the pattern.
You are right buddy....I need to break out..it's like everything out of the ordinary is an ordeal right now. I hope that does not sound like depression city.
