New Me - Will WAW ever notice?

[Kakatal]

W called while out shopping - Kohl's having big 2 day sale, kids driving her nuts while at store. Asked me what kids needed - pjs. Asked w if she wanted to go there tomorrow - just us. She thought that was a good idea & would have her grandma watch kids.

Today, w comes by house @ 10:30 - drop kids off & go to store. Chit chat a bit while shopping. Ask w opinion on picture frame I decided to buy for house. I pay for items & ask if she wants to grab some lunch. Suggest we go to Panera Bread. Driving out Kohl's parking lot we pass by McDonalds. I say or we can just go to McDeath. W says that is all she can afford these days. I say guess that is where we are headed since she is buying lunch. Get a chuckle out of her & head to Panera. (Excellent place if there is one around your area!)

Sit & have nice 1 hr lunch - more talking - Some highlights

Tell w I scanned the pictures. In with a box of the pics were ticket stubs to concerts, plays, etc that we had attended - all took place from 99-03. Once S4 was born, no more ticket stubs. Found that really hit home about how we didn't make time for us once kids came along. W says she tells people to just have dogs - kids take away your freedom - unless you have a live-in relative who can watch kids while you are able to keep your social life. I tell her I can see her point but that I believe you need to make time for you & your spouse in order to keep a balance between family & marriage - something I plan on doing.

Ask w that if she believes in God why did she give me grief when I said I wanted to start bring kids to church? W says she has her own issues with Catholics but not Christians. She states her beliefs & opinions. Says well that is what I believe. I tell her she doesn't need to defend her feelings, believes or opinions anymore to me. I have learned to just listen & accept what I hear.

W brings up her nephew 10 who was printing pics of naked women on cousin's printer but forgot to take them off printer. Share with w that I had little conversation with D9 on way to Legoland along similar lines - boys, etc. W says that kids are having sex at younger ages today than she did. Says that it was 8th grade for her 1st time. Ding! OM was her 1st ever. I just say 8th grade, that explains a lot. W rolls her eyes but doesn't get offended by comment.

W starts discussing how she was poorly supervised by her mom as a child. Her mom would "smoke out" with her friends but w wasn't allowed to participate with her. Says her mom was never given any instructions on how to raise kids. Says mom had issues when she was a child with anxiety & needed shots to calm her down. W says her mom acted in many ways like her own father & is similar in many ways to my own father; her mom modeled much of her parenting after what she saw growing up. I say I understand that since that is what I have become aware of myself in my own upbringing. W says she sees that but says in her case she hasn't turned out like her mother since she knew what right & wrong were. Says that I never hit my kids but still acted in ways that my father does. I said that I did choose to act that way but that is because I was not aware I had a choice - always just felt this is who I am & if you don't like it, that is your problem - not mine. But I never really liked who I was - I just didn't know I had a choice & could change. W says that she always felt I was a hypocrite since I am a huge proponent of will power - I always said people can do whatever they want if the have a strong will - be addiction, change, etc. So if that is the case, why couldn't I just change? Told her it is all about awareness - just was not aware of the impact my behavior had on others. Always wondered why people avoided me, never called, never invited us anywhere...well duh, who wanted to be around me if they figured I would just find some way to put them down, insult their believes or just piss them off.

W brings up my driving. Says that the way I drive, I mean the way you used to drive, it was not normal. Cutting people off, teaching someone a lesson, flipping & cussing at other drivers - Do you see that now? Told w yes I do. Said I feel that was just one of the ways the anger I had bottled up inside me was vented out. Said that I had started to change my driving habits once gas hit $4 a gallon. Just started to put cruise on 75 & watched all the idiots drive by, knowing I used to be one of those idiots myself. Interesting thing about this is how w corrected herself - must see the change in my driving but hadn't mentioned it until now.

Leave lunch & go to supermarket to buy milk, OJ. W cuts me off in conversation for 3rd time & I get frustrated. I clam up, take a couple breaths & just ask her to please not interrupt me when I am trying to talk. Said that I allow her to finish what she is saying, listen to her & then say what I need to. W says this is just how I talk. I say that I would like to be able to discuss things but want to be sure that I am given the same courtesy that I am giving you. This is just one of those things that she needs to work on - I know.

Tell w as leaving store that I really want to understand her, that I want her to feel free to express her opinions without feeling she will have to defend what she believes. W says she can see that I am listening more now.

Pick up kids, head home. Show kids new pjs - they are excited. Bathroom break for kids & then pack them into my car to head to Veteran's Day parade. Had invited w to come along while shopping but she told kids next time we do something she will come along. Get a hug bye & a wave while she drove away.

Things progressing in a positive manner. Was really nice to just get out & do something with just w & I. Good conversation.
Have to see what tomorrow brings.