God grant me the patience and the strength...8

[theotherhalf]

Okay...

H's truck is broke down. He has no other way to work other than my car.

BUT he could have D17 take him home in mornings on her way to school and bring him back on her way home from work/school. He also seems in no hurry to fix the truck?

BUT he still talks about his place. He still talks like nothing has changed. I have no reason to believe that him staying here is nothing but temporary and he will be going back to that shack soon, if I listen to what he says.

And tonight there was a change in his mood. He seemed ticked about something. But kept it under wraps. My dog noticed it too. (I have a shiz tzo that reads him very well, he will growl at H and bite him at times and cuddles him other times. H knows this and will test "peanut", he did tonight, I just said "see" he just chuckled)

I am not blind anymore. There is no more rose colored glasses on my head. Although I have lots of hopes, there is no expectations. I don't have a clue what he is up to or going to do tomorrow. I am just trying to enjoy the moments. But trust me when I say when he does go I will be here crying and posting. It just is and it will hurt like hell.

I have no idea about OW. There is nothing I can do about it if she is still here. I do think that if she calls him again (that I know of) I am going to tell him that as long as she is in his life he really does not belong here anymore. Something that I think I HAVE to say. I know BAD DB but I snooped tonight. OW sent him a text message the 3rd. It said..."tell her she won. I won't call you anymore. I am so stupid. I trusted you. I believed everything you ever told me. I am so broken I wish I were dead. Just remember I loved you too and I was happy with you."

That message really ticked me off. What the h*ll did I win??? I got three years of no life outside my home. I can't drink, I can't go to an establishment that serves alcohol. No dances, no bars, etc... I can't have my shotgun (I like to shoot clays and in the country I need one for rabid animals or whatever). I have to pay out my nose in fines and restitution. I have to avoid her completly for 5 years. (she lives, I work in the same small town, if she comes into the pronto I have to leave) my kids and I will feel the ramifications of all this for the rest of our lives. My H did not come back to me. I did not get my M back. My name will go in the paper for all to see that I plead guilty to 3rd degree burglary, a felony. I've lost my H, maybe my home, lots of money, my pride, my good name, my rights as a citizen, my extended family. All because she decided to f*ck my H, and my H decided to leave me for her. What did I win???

Sorry, had to get that out...