Thanks so much! I know I should just say Jamie and Daniel b/c I think everyone here knows their names anyway!!!
Well, I also realized today at the C that I think our marriage really started disintegrating not 2 years ago when the EA started, but I'm thinking at the time D8 was born. I guess b/c of her autism or something, from birth on she would cry/scream/meltdown every afternoon around 4 or 5 and then until midnight!!! Which happens to be around when H would have been home. That's when he started doing triathlons 40 hours a week training. He would tell me he was working 60 hours a week at his job, but then he told me a couple years later (guess he forgot the lies) that he was really working 35 hours and the rest was triathlon training. I can't completely blame him, b/c Jamie was crying like that until she started on medication at age 4. It was a long 4 years btw.
I think that's when I dealt with that by getting some depression, and H dealt with that by staying away from the stress of Jamie and a depressed wife. I know they say something like 80% or so of families with autism divorce, and I bet a lot either go through the depression and distancing that we did. So he had one foot kind of already out the door, when he got involved with OW, so not that tough for him.
It somehow makes me feel better not to just think of him as a jerk or bad guy, but somebody that deals with stress by the way he does. I'd get depressed and he'd go run a marathon!
I do still have some bumps in the road with H. I took the kids to a nearby park this afternoon for an hour. We got home at 4:15 and H showed up at 4:16. If he had been there any earlier would have had to wait for the kids. Just assumed we'd be there waiting for him although normally he comes by Tues. at about 7. Didn't call or email to let me know he'd be there early which would have been fine of course. I'm bummed we didn't stay longer so he would have had to wait at least a bit.
H took the kids to spend time with OW (gag) and then when they came home, he comes into my room to tell me about some Sorry tips (Jamie's new favorite game) so it makes the game go faster (b/c we play it twice a day with her)! That was nice, but yeah, he violated my boundaries. I still haven't confronted him on that and hated to do it when he was being nice. It would help me out if he'd come in yelling again, then it would be easier!!!
Oh, and thanks for the Happy Birthday for Daniel, Kat! I can't believe how fast they grow! And really in Daniel's case b/c he's a little bit taller than me now and size 14 shoes!!! Karen
Karen