I'm so sorry, Kat. It's just not fair. And, this man he is right now....no, you can't count on him. Focus on being the great mom that you are and focus on you. Make sure you are doing something for yourself at least once a day, even if it is just going to a flower shop and buying a single, beautiful flower. I get such joy out of the little things these days.
Putting everything in God's hands is the best thing you can do. I saw your post earlier. At one of my lowest points, I prayed to God over and over. Just the simplest prayer I knew best:
Our Father, who art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name, thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive those who trespass against us, LEAD US NOT INTO TEMPTATION, BUT DELIVER US FROM EVIL,
For thine is the kingdom, the power, and the glory, Now and forever. Amen.
By the tenth time saying it, tears streamed down my face and I could barely get out the words. At the end of the prayer I would say, "Please help me." or "GUide me, Lord." I repeated the prayer over and over and over until I felt some peace.
He answered my prayers. He will answer yours, too.
Yes his wages are garnished for the child support. Not sure it is the total amount due but they can only take 1/2 of his wages and he owes me the rest. That is where the problem lies. He paid in August when he had it because he cashed in his 401(k) but now he is broke and not paying his bills.
I know I couldn't handle the stress of collectors calling and just not paying so I would have to pay until I filed for B anyhow. Just too much extra stress!!
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Mostly I do pray for strength and guidance and that my kids will get through all of this okay. They say they understand my trying to get a second job and that they will need to help more but S16 is a bit of a dictator and the girls rebel. I could see a war starting every night I am not there and nothing getting accomplished!
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Kat, so sorry but you continue to show your strength though all this. I sure hope this doesn't cause you to have to move. The last thing your kids need is the physical upheaval on top of the emotional one they are already experiencing. I am sure XH will not recognize this either.
You are wise to realize it is not your role nor is it necessary for you to point out his deficiencies or try to change his ways. He is blind to what he is doing, and even more so if it is you pointing it out. You are a survivor and I am confident you can get through this.
Me45 W35 M6 T8 D16 SD11 D0 Dec 07: Bomb July 08: Busted! Thread
Keep looking ahead. You will look back and be sad at all the loss and turmoil but then you will look ahead again , for longer periods of time.
I know it is hard when people say stay strong when you feel that life has pulled the rug from underneath. Baby steps forward. Tiny little things you do will seem insignificant but they are not.
To be honest, I know I will most likely have to file B. The L said the last thing he wants to see is me struggling to keep it all together and losing my house in the process. The next biggest point is that for the most part ex would be out of my hair financially. Yes he would still be paying me but he wouldn't be able to push my buttons because of it. I wouldn't be sweating wether I would be able to pay a bill because he may or may not pay me.
This is not what I initially was hoping for and it is NOT a done deal but it just looks like the way I will need to go. I am sorry if this is a let down for any of you that know me but I want to keep things as stable for my kids as possible. A Mom with a lot less stress might be nice.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
I am sorry if this is a let down for any of you that know me but I want to keep things as stable for my kids as possible. A Mom with a lot less stress might be nice. kat
Kat its not a let down for any of us, we would only be disappointed FOR you, not IN you. You can only do the best that you can do and we are here to support you in whatever that is. (((Hugs))))
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
Thanks Corey. Part of me still has all the negative things in my head while I am trying to get a grip on the positives. I just don't know that I want to gamble (excuse the pun) on ex.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Stable home life for your kids, and a mom with less stress......then, you do what you got to do. We would never feel you let us down. YOu are a good mom. We all know this. You do what you have to do for you and the kids.
Kat, is there any way you are due for a raise at work do you think? Your boss sounds like a cool guy so it sounds like he's the type to help you if possible. I think you said you were job hunting a bit: would you want to or do you think you could get a higher-paying job so you wouldn't have to get a 2nd job. I mean I know you already have 2 jobs now being a mom!
I know it does sound like you have a good job now and I know how hard that is to find too! Is your H not paying any of his alimony? Could he maybe agree to give you at least half or something and then he'd owe you less later? If he's not paying his bills, what is he doing with his money??? Karen
Karen