I feel ashamed and pathetic.

[DownNotOut...yet]

You my friend, I think, have been "living in limbo". You should google that phrase. More than ever, I think you need to make a stand. 14 years of the same cheesless tunnels has led you nowhere. You need to try something different and perhaps drastic. It may work, it may not but in 2 years you are out of luck if you do nothing.

I think you should get your affairs in order. No matter what happens, you should get yourself in a position to defend yourself legally and financially so in 2 years, or sooner, she doesn't surprise you with divorce papers and a well thought out case to take WAY more than the 50% she might deserve.

Stand up for yourself. It may save you. Both of you, or at least yourself. Either way, it won't be pretty but your current sitch sounds pretty "unpretty".

You need to set some limits and boundries and take back some of your dignity. You need to start putting your money in your own account ASAP to prevent against things like her using your money to buy tickets to visit lovers. Be careful, she could wind up using YOUR money to hire a laywer to take the rest of YOUR money.

I know this sounds harsh but I am really, really, feeling for you.