I am not around much but do check my thread periodically.
Sorry to hear about your X's behavior and I know it hurts that much more after you spent some time with him. After my X filed, we still lived together but did less and less together towards the end. There were some outings together that gave me some hope of reconciliation but as I later learned, she was very much committed to OM well before she left the house.
The WAS will do what they want to do, period. Trying to reason with them very seldom has the desired affect yet we should give it the effort but in the most calm way possible and not in front of the kids. We can only hope it will have some effect.
(DB disclaimer: I continue to be a strong advocate for applying DB principles and for going way beyond the extra mile to do what we can to try to save the marriage. If we do everything we can, if the divorce does eventually take place, we can look ourselves in the mirror as well as look our children and our ex-spouses in the eyes and say we did what we could)
Separately, we must love our kids and be the sane one for them, this you already know. The kids know or will know what is right and wrong and it can work against us to paint their other parent with some negative moral brush. If the kids want to express how they feel about what has happened, we do need to listen and avoid the temptation to bash the WAS. Let them love their parent unconditionally.
Your healing will come. His actions will affect the kids and will always cause you to become righteously indignant until you choose to NOT let it affect you in that way. Becoming upset will not change anything unless there is something you can do from a legal standpoint.
FORGIVENESS It has been a work in progress for me to forgive my X and her new husband, a major work! Yes their decisions (past, present and future) affect my kids but they are not doing anything illegal even though their whole affair and new marriage, in the eyes of God, is immoral (and contrary to what is currently "Politically Correct" in our culture, God does have a standard of right and wrong).
I have forgiven them. One of the most important reasons that I am better able to stay in this mode is that I truly realize that I too am forgiven of much. My thread is filled with the account of my journey and my faith. It is mine, it is how I live and it works for me.
Michelle has written about how Forgiveness is a Gift You Give Yourself and EVERYONE on this board should read it. The sooner the mindset of forgiveness can be applied, the sooner WE are able to get on with our lives.
By the way, my kids are doing well, I have very much embraced the life I now live. I have much more joy than I had during the years I fought so hard to save my marriage. I do have a clear conscience that I fought for the marriage and my WASs will have to deal with the choice and her decision.
Hope that helps. I need to get my mind back on my upcoming trip to SPAIN!!!! (11 days to go!)
Committed2Him- "C2H" All Things (Back from Spain!)...18
