Being 'stuck' is a tough place to be.. especially when nothing around you seems appealing.
I was married for better or worse.. and was stuck because I didn't know how to get out of the 'not so good' and 'this sucks' in a positive way. I went along and got along focusing on being a mom and wife and pushing the "Kathleen/Gyspy" away. Everything was more important than me.
Well.. oops.. my marriage is kaput because spouse went for option B and I have a choice... or a question I can ask myself.. "Where do I want to be... where do I need to be?"
As you well know, most folks here swing a 2x4 better than most major league hitters. A good friend pushes me to talk to men on a regular basis.. not anything more than that. I've spent 26 years focused on one man, defined by the union and now it's no longer there.
Hello world. Damn. So I get unstuck by saying hi as I'm taking my morning walk at the track. I cheer one guy on when he laps me. He's getting over tendonitis and is slowing returning to the love he has for running. A few days ago we walked a few laps during his warm up.
It was no big deal... just chit chat. Just two people talking. I didn't look for a ring.. but I do look at people.. men differently. I'm more interested in what comes out of their mouths than being scared.
I smile and talk kumquats to an older guy at the grocery store. I put my foot in my mouth while waiting in a line. I get used to talking and being around men who aren't my spouse.
I don't think there's a magic time to let go, or find someone else or even go looking. You, me, everyone of us can be as happy or sad as we want to be. You, me, everyone of us has lots of choices for how to seek support.
But you know what John? I'm not ready to go out in the world as a single woman. And I don't see a problem with that. I can have my fantasies.. (thinking vacuums and th.. never mind!) but it will happen. Doing the little things like trying.. doing the choir, which lead to Gregorian chanting, which lead to voice lessons... starts the momentum that just might help those teenie tiny baby steps to get unstuck.
