Trying2live-Post #4

[AllW8SBF]

Well ladies, and gentleman, I went through and caught up on 6 pages of posts, boy you've been busy.
I am so glad there are some more and more positive steps being made. Even the ones that seem not so positive, I've learned that a baby step is better than nothing. So Marisol, TXMom don't give up hope.
As usual no expectations and we'll make it through.

Me too, I've been GAL and mostly PRAYING. I know GOD is listening and he's there, sometimes I can feel the magic other times not so much but I know he will beat away the evil.

So we had a pretty good weekend, except Sunday he made some football bets and they were going great, then it went south and he got angry. I tried to be supportive and rub his shoulders and he said don't do that. It hurt.
Then last night he was happy and talking to me. I was on the phone when he came home and he changed and ended up telling me he was going to get his hairs cut and to the gym. Well this Saturday he has planned for 2 weeks now to meet someone (must be a girl or something) in Indianapolis, that is like 4 or 5 hours away. He's leaving right after work on Friday. Well Sunday he did his teeth whitening (has not done that in like a year), last night haircut, and then gym. Trying to impress he I guess.
As I said he was very friendly to me last night and said that it's hard for him to go to the gym cause he needs a purpose and now he has one - I was waiting for him to say a girl, but he said he's starting baseball again.
He bought a bed this weekend for the other room.

He's pushing me on the whole spending holidays together thing. So what do you think I should do? My DB coach says I don't need to answer yet. And now well, his Aunt sent me and his SIL an email asking for Christmas lists - it's just to me and her so not him or his brother, so I'm not sure what to do with that either.

Thursday he cancelled his show to talk to me and help me as I asked for help with my feelings on this whole R thing. I really really didn't ask him to talk about R but he pushed me to discuss it and let my feelings out.
So we did, and he told me I'm not reacting like a normal woman in this sitch would. I just told him that I do want this marriage but that I need to work on getting back to who I was, and you know what he says to me, MORE THAN ONCE at different times in convo. I'm not going to wait around for you to figure out if you want this marriage or not. He said that to me!

So what does that mean - I called him on it and said you know you are giving me mixed messages saying every 30 seconds how you want out and then 10 minutes later, He's not going to wait around to see if I want this marriage.
Am I wrong in thinking there is a bit of him upset that I don't know, and that he wants me to just say yeh I want it.

See I'm trying to avoid begging and pleading and saying I want the relationship, but he keeps trying to pull out what I want and well that is what I want. So what do I do, say when he does that?

I have more questions but I have to get home - doing the whole leave and get home for my family bit.

Got to go.
Take care everyone.