For the Guy with Kids and a WW Diciotto

[hopeful4her]

As always, thanks kat and beej.

H4U, my marriage may NOT make it, but I do feel like I have done the right thing. I know she's not as happy as she tries to tell me. I keep my hope and try to be the better person. I am who I am, SHE knows who I am, and the rest is up to her. It will definatly be her loss. I know that we will end up together again. She knows it and OM knows it. I just know it won't be any time soon.

I took the day off today. I know the wife was off, too. She's off for Veteran's day. I called my boss and had to burn a vacation day, because my bank is not closed today, but she was fine with it. She PREFERRED me to take the day off, knowing that I was pretty exhausted.

This morning, I tried to call the apartment phone and kept getting a busy signal. I tried 3 times and then called her cell phone.

Turns out, we were calling each other at the same exact time.

Again. Not the first time these things happen.

She answers and we tell each other that we were trying to call each other and chuckle. She was calling me to bring D11's girly stuff she left here at the house. I talk to my girls and tell them to have a great day. I get back on the phone with the wife and let her know that I took off today and will call her later to take the girls things and the dog.

I go back to bed for a while, get up and get dressed and load my vehicle. I call her cell phone.

"Hi. Are you at the apartment?"
"Yes."
"Are you....busy?"
"I'm here. I'm cleaning."

I let her know that I will be on my way. At the apartment, I unload the stuff and dog and she is in the kitchen washing dishes. We start a little small talk. I ask her how she is doing. She starts to cry and tells me she thinks about her dad. I don't go over to her this time. I stay at the bar area. She isn't sobbing, but the tears are streaming. We talk about her dad, his wife and that she is going to still be in touch with an attorney about her dads estate. She says she just wants to have what she is entitled to. We talk about several things.

She tells me a story of when the last time she visited him, he told her the story of an American Flag he's had from his War days. It is full of holes and tattered. She says that first, he called her his little orphan. She starts to cry again. I ask why and she says because he knew he was dying and that her mother is never there for her. He also told her that the flag represented their family. Even with all the holes, it was still intact. Just like the family.

Again, I gave no truth dart.

We go through the kids school pictures that I don't have. Her ex's new job. She says the she is going to get a bed today. Her boss is giving her a mattress set. I ask if she needs help and she looks at me and says no.

"I'm going to borrow Tom's truck" and then she looks down at the dishes with that guilty look. I ask if she needs help picking it up or bring it back. She says the boss's husband will help her load it. She can do the rest. I offered my help. We talk about some more things and then she tells me the things that she has to get done before she picks up D7 from school. I offer my help again and she says no.

Of course, I know she doesn't.

We start to leave. I take her trash outside and tell her that I'll take it to the dumpster. She says I don't have to, but I take it anyway and put it outside. At the door, she tells me she is going to change her shirt first. I look at her and put my hand out to her. She comes to me and I put my arm around her. I'm holding some stuff with my other hand, so I can't give her a full hug. She gives me one arm too. She is crying again on my shoulder. I am caressing her back and neck. I ask if she is going to be ok. She says that she HAS to. She pulls away and wipes her eyes and tells me to go get a haircut or go do something. I tell her ok and goodbye. I load up her trash in my vehicle and take it to the dumpster for her. I then stop at the little free car wash at her complex and start to vaccum. She pulls up and honks and is smiling and pointing. I walk over and open her passenger door.

"Whadja say?" I ask.
"I said that I was planning on doing the same exact thing" she says with a laugh.
"Kinda like this morining. Calling each other at the same exact time again."
I look at her car floor, "Yeah, it's pretty bad."
"I'll do mine when I come back" she smiles back at me.

I say ok and she takes off. After I get a haircut, I send her 4 texts.

I know, I know. I'm a doof.

1.

"I didn't get to finish my thoughts yesterday when I was telling you how your dad never gave up on you. Remember, I said nothing left unsaid between us....

2.

I will also never give up on you. No matter what you say or do. I will always be there for you, whether you need me to or want me to...

3.

What I have for you is UNCONDITIONAL. That will never change and I accept that it will always be my cross to bear. Dont ever be afraid with me....

4.

...to give me you honest thoughts and words. I've always accepted you for who you are. You'll always be able to lean on me. I remain strong for our family."

I just felt the need to tell her. And I don't feel bad that I did. I felt very good actually. I have no expectations from it. I told her and I move on.