2008 = Crazy Year (Seriously? 17?)

[Hope4us]

I was advised by our MC to NOT expose affair to my kids when we met in private. Even if LIS (and myself) do end up D....is it our jobs to paint the kids moms as "bad"? That would crush them!? Thoughts?

I struggled with this. And there are conflicting opinions by many "experts".

But here's what my thinking was. My W wanted to tell the kids that we were "just not getting along and it's best for everyone if we D". Uh...NO. It's best for only one person, her. Everyone agrees that Divorce is harmful to kids. Now if I was abusive or an alcoholic, then ok, but even my W admitted to me in the middle of her affair that I was a good dad and a good husband, but she "just doesn't have those feelings for me".

There was no way I was going to allow my kids to think that I thought so little of their lives that I was willing to divorce 'because it's best for everyone'. Second, both my boys (and they're adults, well S16 isn't quite, but he's very mature) KNEW something was going on. They LIVED how happy we were before we moved and W got involved with OM. S16 KNEW his mom had a boyfriend but he couldn't say anything to me because what if he was wrong. Both my boys THANKED me for telling them the truth. I was very clear with them that just because their mom was having an A doesn't mean she doesn't love them and it doesn't make her a bad person, but that she just got caught up in something that wasn't right.

The final reason I told them is, OM in my W's case is a serial cheatin, alcoholic, abuser (yes, abused his kids both verbally and physically, verbally abused his W and punched a wall right next to his W's head) and there was NO WAY I was going to let that POS be involved in my kids lives without them knowing the truth.

If it helped wake her up and helped save our marriage, great, but if not, at least my boys would have one parent they WOULD KNOW would never desert them.