I've been at this since St. Patrick's Day, but didn't find the DB site until the end of May. I know they are H's problems, but he trys so hard to make me the cause of them all. If I hadn't found you guys I would probably be crazy by now.
Even though I still slip, I know that I can reach out and you all will help me back up.
Most of us are about as happy as we make up our minds to be.
Yea we have been doing this for a long time (since mid 2006) but until the bomb, I just knew things weren't right and I was the cause. Always the cause no matter what. Then I found here after the bomb, finally realized my part but that I am not the reason for everything and recognized MLC.
Everyone says timeline doesn't really matter, for the end it probably doesn't but to see where it started, that all of the garbage I've been dealing with actually has a foundation, really helped me to cope. That and you guys. You have actually helped me to find me again. Thank you.
If you focus on the past, you ruin the future. You can only live for today.
I wish I had a magic wand so that I could stop reacting to H's bad moods. I always start off pretty strong, but it seems like he keeps pushing until he finds something that will finally hurt me enough so that I go off. This morning it was about how one of his brothers has some nerve to be judging him for his EA with skank, when he as been f'ing (for years)this other girl from where they both used to work.
When H is hurt or angry he can be so childish and mean. I love this BIL and his wife. I don't need to know this stuff, if it is even true. And, it probably is.
Sometimes he seems to take joy in throwing mud on my image of the world. He must be in a whole lot of pain.
Well, guess I should take my laptop up and start on my closet. If I can find a couple of bags of stuff for goodwill I should be able to go shopping I can check my laptop when I come up for air.
Most of us are about as happy as we make up our minds to be.
Hope, H doesn't want you to be happy if he isn't. When he is in his moods he finds ways to get you out of your as if mood. To me that would be why he wants your world to be muddy too. Good luck with the closet! Enjoy your day. Hope lunch goes well!
You know, the last time my H totally baited me to where I reacted very badly, my comment was to him "I could sh** gold and you would ask why it wasn't platinum." When I heard that come out of my mouth, I had to really stop and think. Yea he can still get to me, but my reactions are much more controlled now.
You can do it.
If you focus on the past, you ruin the future. You can only live for today.
Back from lunch, putting off the closet. When I got to the jobsite they were very busy. I had brought lunch for both of us, but I could tell my H's actions that he was at a point where he couldn't stop what he was doing. He handed me his check and said somthing about the inspector being there, he was sorry, he hadn't known, bla bla bla. My eyes got misty before I could look away. He said are you crying? I said no. He said, I don't want you crying around here. I said, well I didn't plan on it, I thought we were going to have lunch together. I reached over and put my sunglasses on. Suddenly my old H was back. He said, can you wait around a while? I said yes. He went and got a couple more things done and came back to my truck. He got in and we ate lunch.
He wasn't able to stay long, but we did have some time to talk. He was very conisderate and agreeable. He was making eye contact again and seemed very relaxed and happy. He thanked me and told me that he loves me before I left. He also told me to be careful, which is something that he has always done...but not so much recently.
I hope it is the same man that comes home tonight.
Most of us are about as happy as we make up our minds to be.
You know, the last time my H totally baited me to where I reacted very badly, my comment was to him "I could sh** gold and you would ask why it wasn't platinum." When I heard that come out of my mouth, I had to really stop and think. Yea he can still get to me, but my reactions are much more controlled now.
You can do it.
Good one I'm pretty fast on my feet, but I would not have thought of that. I'm more of a f'you kind of girl. Am really working on biting my tongue. Thanks for having faith in me. I want to get to that controlled place too.
Most of us are about as happy as we make up our minds to be.
You will. Glad you liked it. Someone calls me smarta** alot lately (in jest) but it really fits me.
Getting there takes a little f'you though. I refuse to let him see me cry when he is being a jerk. I also refuse to let him get me so worked up that I say those things to his face. Or in text. Just in my head still once it a while. I hate the fighting so since I can only control me, i'm just trying my best not to do it. Even my backslides are much more civil now.
If you focus on the past, you ruin the future. You can only live for today.
I can check my laptop when I come up for air.