Maybe I should be in piecing part 2?

[Hope4us]

I'm with ya Pup. I completely understand that any contact is bad. But I guess where I'm going for now is that until she's ready to commit to the marriage, me pressuring her for NC (which she may in fact be NC) would be counter productive.

I've made it very clear to her that if I discover contact and she's lying to me about it, I'm done. Both my boys have also told her that if she ends up with the a-hole, that they will never spend time with her IF he's around and spending time with her when he's not around will be few and far between.

I think we may be arguing over nothing here (not that this is nothing). I think everyone recognizes that NC HAS to take place before real healing can begin. Heck, even on that women's cheaters website there is a whole section for women wanting to end it with their married men and they all say NO CONTACT is the only way to get over him. Heck Pup, you said in your sitch that your W made contact with OM for a week I think after she told you she'd go NC and then she stopped and they haven't talked since. In many ways I feel like for the last couple months she was probably NC and then the way we were on vacation scared her and she contacted him and it threw her off for a week. But since then we've just been getting better and better.

Like I said before, I HAVE to act 'as if' she's NC. It's the only way I can have the PMA and be the kind of H she wants to be with. If there is some contact now, I'm positive she knows it's harmful. And I think she's trying. I really do. And I think it's only a matter of time before she's ready to open up to me. If and when that happens, we'll talk about boundaries. If it doesn't happen, I already know that when the move comes up in the spring/summer, if she hasn't/won't make a commitment to the marriage, then S16 and I are moving without her as two years of lies/deceit are enough.

But lets not talk that way. The next month and a half should be very telling with where we're headed. I'm just going to act like there's no contact and be the best H I can be and we'll cross the next bridge when we get there.