I got up this morning feeling ok. Little better and I started to look at the business bank accounts and I found that he purchased $140 worth of flowers on Friday for someone. It has to be her. i now have adrenalin pumping and I feel sick.
I want to ring him and ask only I dont want to know the answer. Why did he use the business to pay. Why did he not use his personal account. He knows i will see the business? He knows i have to account for them.
Well - after a horrible start to the day I went into the workshop where he was. I have not spoken to him for 10 days.
I went for 3 reasons:
1. To find out who flowers wer for. 2.To show him what he was missing. 3. to teach daughter how to do , what i do there. Office work.
1. I did not ask him, ( would not of been good Dbing ) but went to my in tray in my office and there was the receipt for flowers. A friend of H has passed away suddenly. H folllowed me into the office telling me about it. I expressed sympathy and asked appropriate questions. I was ok ( not upbeat so to speak ). i looked nice.
I was so relieved that the flowers were not for other woman. I hate myself for being relieved. I want to not care. To be strong.
2. I am not sure if i achieved ' show him what he is missing' BUT my heart did not do butterflies when i saw him either. Then his tone changed and he became accusatory regarding petrol charges. I validated his concern and offered to pay petrol money back. He said No. It left me feeling rather cold. I have been with this man 30 years. His hard work and my business savy have allowed us to build nice assets. I have never ripped anyone off in my life, I am not greedy and it hurts me to see him treat me like I would. But it also served the purpose of making me see him a little differently.
My question is - did i do myself an injustice going into the workshop. I feel not. I feel both relieved and a little stronger. Is the strength just temp because he did not send flowers to other woman? Am i kidding myself.
I will not call or text still. That I feel i can do. i have made plans for Friday and Saturday night. I am still not good company but I will make an effort i think.
Well at least you found out the flowers weren't for a woman. So you can put that out of your mind and not be stewing over something that didn't even happen!
I think that's a good lesson for people on the board, that things aren't always what we think they are.
M, I think you did fine. There was a charge against the business account and you had a legitimate reason for checking on that. Let's hope his answer is legit.
He probably responded with the petrol charges because he knew why you were asking about the flowers. A little tit for tat, if you will. Brush it off; he's just reacting because he knows he's been an Azz and wants throw all the blame onto you.
If his reason for the flowers is legit; it proves that things aren't always as we see them. This is one of the reasons for the 48 hr rule; wait that long before reacting to what you see. Man, I wish I knew that one some time ago.
I think the strength you feel is that you were able to go in and talk to him about what concerned you. You came away a little emboldened because you survived it and hopefully your suspicions turned out false.
You're on the right course with no calling or texting. It's good that you've got plans. More and more of these types of plans and you WILL be GOOD company.
I had not heard that 48 hour rule but it is a good one , except in this case I would of been either stewing , or I would of got to a point where I did not care. Today though i felt like i just could not handle it. i would of liked to of got through it.
The receipt is legit. Death notice in the paper and confirmed by receipt.
No response from fb yet . i also have posted on newcomers. Feedback on doing what is right for me and for Dbing is so welcome here. Tips to get through especially welcome.
Today I feel a little stronger. He left me yesterday with a horrible feeling , undermined my integrity and honesty. He was not attractive.
I know it is a matter of 2 steps forward and 1 back and i know my reactions are normal. I want to be me and to be emotionally strong and healthy, so that if in the future we can reconcile, then it will be for the right reasons. Patience is the key as SPM has being busily pointing out.
Baby steps and sometimes they are invisable but I am pretty sure they are there.
I am maintaining no contact. My requested email arrived today on time , an indication , he was thinking about it. If he calls I will now take them but C advised last night to keep responses minimal and not to take a bite of the poison apple and then spit it out. An example:
I asked H not to take OW to our holiday home. I should of said " could we come to an agreement that our holiday home is sacred to this family". Giving him oppotunity for input and an understanding that he has agreed to.
So lesson, be careful of responses and if not to confident of answer to give - dont give one.
