Surrendering to hope

[JCJ]

Hi ITH

I know you are probably not going to like this idea much but how about you throw in a bit of mysteriousness now. Why don't you initiate leaving again for a few days. It seems to work, afterall you have ml twice since you came back.

[istherehope]

Hi Julia,

Yes I'd thought of that as a possibility too...

I sent you an email :).

ITH

[istherehope]

So not much of an update, but wanted to journal on it anyway...

H has been IMing me, just a little bit, about business things. Interestingly everything has been something shared, like me updating the payment method for our iTunes account, mentioning that we need to buy bin tags for the trash, and talking about the repairperson for the boiler...

He also told me he did not jog this morning, so is feeling a little bit out of it. Lately he has been telling me more when he is tired, stressed etc. from things that apparently have nothing to do with me or the M.

Can I believe in this new H??? I think I am driving myself a bit insane here...

ITH

[optimistwife]

It sounds like your life is settling into a little bit of normalcy. I like that you think that you are changing inside. That is a good thing when your old habits start to slip away.

I also struggle with wondering how long things so on with no real talk of resolution. You really don't want the R talk- but at some point it needs to get worked out about how things go forward- I guess... I would guess that we just can't ignore it and plow forward- or we'll be right back here in a few years.

Well- I guess welcome to a tentative stage three... More than friendship, but still feels like a long way from resolution. Kind of feels like dating someone, and there is still a risk that you might break up...

Lets just be happy that we've made it this far.

[istherehope]

Thanks Opt,

I really hope it's a tentative stage 3...Last time I talked to Jody she said to consider that we were in stage 1 still because of H's negativity. I actually feel like the extreme negativity is gone now, so yeah it feels like a stage 2 or 3 sort of place. You put it really well.

From my perspective I think I could hold off on an R talk until after the holidays. I would be content until then just plowing forward and hopefully making progress. As long as things seem to be improving, I'm not in a massive rush to define them. I really have changed in the context of the R, and whether H notices or not, I am sure that he notices that things are less contentious between us than they used to be.

My ideal solution to the situation would be for H to just give me a really nice card saying how much he loves me and wants to make things work, thereby opening the door to communication without starting things off with a full-blown R talk. Well we can all dream!

Hope you're doing well today!

ITH

[Separated]

It sounds like things are going really well so far. H has showed no negativity in the last few days which is also great.

Don't go getting ahead of yourself with the stages yet though, I think you are still in stage 2 as y ou still need to build more of the 'friendship' stage and you are still nervous around H and what he might say. Don't get me wrong you guys are moving along fantastic but don't skip stages.

We can all dream and sometimes...dreams do come true.

[istherehope]

Hi Sep,

I agree with you about not getting ahead of myself...I guess I should consider it Stage 2, though I think as Pisces once said, the stages are kind of fluid and not exact. The ML is definitely a step toward stage 3, though of course this happened for awhile even in Stage 1, which I can't kid myself is a place that we could end up going back to if not really careful! Also the ML is this weird in the dark thing where it happens only after we've both been sleeping, or trying to sleep, and then he just sort of grabs at me, not romantic in any way. Still, I'm not complaining in any way!!!

I think too that Pisces made a great point about Stage 2. Once you're fully entrenched in stage 2, you're really on the way to reconciliation. I'm not saying I'm fully entrenched in Stage 2 yet, but I think this theory makes sense. Once you start rebuilding a very close friendship, the rest should come a bit more easily. Seems to me that it's stage 1 that's the killer!

And I do love my dream, even if I don't think it's totally realistic...I'd be thrilled with even a simple "I missed you" at this point...

ITH

[Separated]

Why can't your dream be realistic??? Hey you never know!!!

I agree, I will be so happy once I step over that line into Stage 2 myself. He is still ML with you no matter what context it means he is still into you and not looking elsewhere. Maybe it happens during that time because it's more of his subconscience working??

[istherehope]

Thanks Sep...

Well 2 weeks ago he'd said that he didn't like ML with me anymore because he didn't feel close to me. Then it happened that one time in Galway, but of course he was drunk...now there have been 2 occasions, and yeah maybe it is a subconscious thing. Last night he was actually being funny when he came to bed, and was singing this song from "Flight of the Conchords" (don't know if you've ever seen it) called "Business Time" where this cheesy guy is singing about business time referring to ML...This was so old H, and pretty funny, but I try hard not to assume that it means too much.

Anyway, we will see what happens tonight!!! Will do my best once again to avoid R talks and such. I just have the feeling that H went to IC today, and I hope that doesn't change his positive mood in any way!

ITH

[istherehope]

And I got home, put my laptop on, and ran to the store. When I came back there were messages from H asking if there was dinner here or just empty promises...he sent me the link to some article, then said he was leaving and would see me in an hour. The normalcy is frightening me still...I just hope it lasts! He contacts me constantly, and tells me every little thing he is doing...

ITH