I think I'm done......saddened, but strong.....

[Silent Chrleader]

Thanks, Snodderly.

It's very hard for me because I have a history of panic disorder and my H has always been there for me to help me get through it. And he has said I can call if I need to for that. Last night was different. I've never felt that way before. It was sort of a surreal pure anguish and I felt like I would do anything to make it end, and that made me scared that I was really loosing it! I've hear that people who have tried to commit suicide, sometimes don't even remember doing it! So, I even had some wierd fears that if I fell asleep, maybe I could do something in my sleep and my kids would find me......I think this was a kind of panic attack, but I am very familiar with those and this one had a very different edge to it that was not fun! But, I did write furiously in my journal to try to just get those emotions OUT! And, after I see how things go at MC on Thursday, I very well may talk to my Dr about going back on the higher dosage of AD that I am currently on. I don't really want to because I have been working on being healthy and getting off non-natural substances as much as possible. But, I also have never agreed with the idea that it's noble to sit and suffer in silence.

My H did seem to appreciate the thank you I gave him about his understanding and sympathy for me this morning, and said he might see me tonight when he comes to look at the wrecked car. I will endeavor to be calm and pleasant. I thought about offering dinner, but don't think I will. I don't think that's a good idea.

Patience..........keep breathing......